numero uno

i know, i know...i'm a day late and a dollar short. but my dad doesn't know how to use the internet, so he'll never know!

alright, sappy Father's Day post starts now...

..well, i'm not sure where to even start! my dad has truly been my best friend since the very start. i was homeschooled until 7th grade, so i got to spend a lot of time with my parents, and all my family. 
at the time, i hated it. but as i get older, i realize what a blessing it was. i am so close with my family because of it, and i truly am grateful for the time i was able to spend with my grandparents, cousins, and my own parents. 
while i was little, probably until i was 10 or so, my dad would always be on the phone. my parents owned their own business, so it was a bit inevitable. i absolutely hated it though. i wanted their undivided attention at all times. but that just wasn't how it worked. they were still always there though. and they were always listening, i just never knew.
and i'm also so grateful for the time i was homeschooled because my dad and i got to go on the boat, just him and i, almost everyday until i was about 8. i cherish those days so much.

i have such a close and great relationship with both my parents. i couldn't be happier with the way my family is.

but back to my dad, i love him oh so much. he has always been my #1 supporter. he always pays extra to sit front row at all my dance recitals. he never missed a swim meet. he will go out of his way, always, to make sure i'm always happy and always comfortable. he would give me his last penny, if it meant he could see me smile. 
i know that he loves me so much, and i can only hope that he knows i love him as much as i possibly can. 
he has always been someone i can talk to, no matter how sensitive the subject may be. 
most people describe their dad as the bread-winner, the tough one, or the "manly man." and while, yes, my dad is all those things, he is also sensitive, and loving, and tender. 
i don't have to just go to him when i need him to straighten out a boy that hurt me, or to help me with the difficult stuff. i can go to him with an emotional problem. he may not be able to give the same advice as my mom, but he can sure hug and comfort me better than anyone else.
right now, he isn't doing to well, and it breaks my heart. i can only pray that he will get better and be his happy and usual self again soon. 

when i think about my dad, i think about the times he would walk into the kitchen, stop for a moment and look around at me and whoever else was around, and just start singing and dancing. 
he is probably one of the funniest people i know. that must be where i get it from ;)

i love coming to town for weekends because seeing him just brightens my day. seeing all my family does, but there is no bond like the father-daughter bond we share. it can never be replaced! 

i love my daddy with my whole heart. he's always numero uno in my book..that can never change <3

xoxo,

jacquelyn 

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"too much"

i don't really like being praised for joining the church. it was a huge deal, don't get me wrong. but it was not "too much." sure, at the time it was really hard. and i didn't think anything could ever be worse. but looking back, that trial made me so much stronger, and despite the difficulty of it, i never once questioned my decision or even considered backing out. 

i strongly believe that if we have faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father's plan for us, than we should not have a single reason to say no or to postpone anything. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been the biggest blessing in my life. it has helped me so much, with many things. i am grateful for the people that have helped me through this journey, and i really do appreciate the people who support me and are proud of me for my choice. 
but i do not like being told that "it must have been awful" and "how did you do it?" and "i don't think i would have been able to do that!"
because 1) it was awful, yes. but it made me stronger and it prepared me so much for the trials that i have had to face since then. 2) i did it because i had faith. plain and simple. i had a testimony and i was converted to the gospel. 3) if you don't think you could make it through, then how do you make it through the current trials you are going through? it was hard yes, but i know that my Savior lives and came to atone for my sins. i am so grateful for the huge sacrifice that was made for me, specifically.

it takes great strength to make such a large change in one's life. change is hard and can be very scary. religion is such a broad yet specific topic. making a change of religion, most of the time, requires us to change our lifestyle a bit. 
it is hard enough to make such a huge change on your own. but to do it despite what your family, friends, or even people you don't know might say, that makes it an even greater challenge. i really hate calling it that. it is pretty accurate though. it is a challenge, just like anything else. trials are just that, challenges. and even though not everyone will be happy with the choices we make, if they love you, they will accept you, it may not be right away, but they will eventually.

my family did not accept my decision, nor did they support it. it has taken almost a year to get to the point where we can openly talk about my religion without it turning into a huge argument. but i would not change a single moment of it. and now, they accept and fully support all i do, even if it has to do with my religion.
i am who i am today, because of what i had to go through. i have the strength that i do, because of what i had to deal with. i have such a strong testimony, and i know that i have truly been converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ because of all the things that i have had to overcome. 

struggles, trials, and challenges are real. they will happen to us no matter what. i know that if that wasn't my struggle, something else would have been. if i didn't go through that, i would not be where i am now. i am so grateful for all my trials, but that one specifically, because it set the tone for what was going to come next. 

if we can't do the simple things like have faith, trust, and hope in our Heavenly Father, how in the world would we be expected to act upon our promptings? how would we be expected to overcome our difficulties? 

it really is quite simple. pray. keep that line of communication open at all times. it is so important to have that line to Heavenly father. read your scriptures. He doesn't ask much of us, but He does ask that we read. it is how we receive most of our answers. have faith. having faith can be very tough, especially when it seems like you have no faith left, but i know that if we can push through those hard times with a strong and steady faith, we will come through on the other side. and we will be much stronger for it.

Heavenly Father will never lets us down. He is the one person that is there for us 1000% of the time. He cannot and will not lead us astray. sometimes it seems that His way is much longer and much more difficult, but that is because we need to gain strength and we need to learn some more things along the way.

i know that the things i went through/are going to go through are tough. but i also know that my faith is unwavering. as long as i am doing all that i can, as long as i can push myself to be better each and every day, i will be blessed and i will be able to overcome all that comes my way.

He will never ask "too much" of us, He will push us, yes. but it will never break us, and it will never be something we cannot do or cannot handle.



xoxo,

jacquelyn

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tfios

i'm not going to lie.. i was a bit underwhelmed.

don't get me wrong, it was a great book! i just don't think it lived up to all the hype.
i may be the only one who thinks so, but that's alright.

i did enjoy the story, and i really enjoyed the humor.
i think it had an amazing point to get across. love shouldn't be held back, even if you think you or the other person will get hurt.
love is something that we need to be more willing to give away. and less worried about "losing."

i think one of my favorite parts of the book, was when Augustus tells Hazel that "You're a hard person to comfort."
and she replies with "Easy comfort isn't comforting."
and i agree. 100%. comforting someone is not supposed to be..'oh, let me just give you a hug, say it'll all be okay, then leave.' no. true comfort someone takes time, it takes love. if comforting was easy, then there would be much less of it needed.

i do think this book was a wonderful read, it just wasn't as good as i thought it would be. which is totally fine! every one is different, and this one just didn't quite tickle my fancy..

now i'm on to the next book!
being a bookworm is very fun, but tiring sometimes. it gets hard to keep track of all the lives i'm living!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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self worth

often times, we don't give ourselves enough credit. 
we are beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully made. { Psalm 139: 14 }
God doesn't make mistakes. no, we aren't perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. 
Heavenly Father does not expect us to be perfect, but he does expect us to try our hardest. i know that i haven't always given myself enough credit, i haven't always thought i was worthy or good enough. 
we are our worst critics, which is good and bad. it's good to be aware of the things we need to work on, but it is not okay to tear ourselves down for every little thing. 
i do it so much, and i really need to stop. 

and it's the same in our relationships. if we don't treat ourselves with respect and love, how can we expect other people to? we really can't get mad at people for not giving us the things we don't give ourselves. 
this is something that i have had the hardest time with. 
way too often, i feel like i'm the one who cares more. i'm the one who loves more. and it is great to care for and love everyone. but when we put ourselves through that, being the one that cares more, we are only going to get hurt. 
it isn't okay to be someone's convenience. it's also okay to not be someones first priority. 

i have been able to truly focus on bettering myself and i feel that i have grown so much in the past few months. i have my priorities in the right places. i am able to love myself and see my own worth. i am a catch, i am a good friend, i am a beautiful person. i know that my Heavenly Father loves me dearly. i know what i deserve, and i am not going to settle.

there comes a point in our lives when we need to get rid of the people who bring us down, no matter how hard it is. we need to get rid of the people who don't give us enough of the respect, time, love, and anything else that we need and deserve.
it's like that christina perri song, we are only human and there's only so much we can take. we are fragile, we can only bend so far backwards until we break. we can't be someone's punching bag, and we can't just be there when they need us. it needs to be a two way street. 
relationships { friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family } take work, from both sides. if one person is trying harder, it will never work, and that person will be absolutely miserable. they will constantly be thinking and asking themselves what they're doing wrong! why doesn't that person, whoever it may be, care about them as much? when in reality, it is not their fault at all. it just isn't the right relationship for either person. one isn't ready, and one is too willing. relationships are hard, but they don't have to be. we make them far more complicated then they need to be.

*i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression from all this though. i try my very best to love everyone, but there is a difference between loving and caring for them as people, and just letting them walk all over you. it is absolutely okay to not be friends with people you once were, it is not okay for you to hate and resent them. we must forgive as Christ forgave, and love as Christ loves.
Heavenly Father expects quite a bit from us, and i don't know about you, but i don't want to let Him down any more than i already have!

Colossians 3:12   Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering;

13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

15  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body: and be ye thankful.

i didn't know my worth until recently, and to be honest, i still have a hard time seeing it at times. but that's okay, it's a work in progress. if other people can't see it, then that is their loss, not mine. it is actually my gain. i don't need people who don't see my potential. i need people who are going to uplift and help me stay on the path i am on. i need people who will push me, but love me when i fail. i need tough love, but not too tough. and i know that people aren't perfect, but i also know what kind of people i do and don't need in my life.

it can be really hard to try and let those people go. you grow fond of them, you build bonds and learn to love them. the more you get to know someone, the more you start to care. it can be scary and hard to let people go, but i can promise you that if you can be strong and let go of those people who aren't giving you the respect and love you need, you will be so much happier. sometimes we need to be selfish. it isn't a sin and it isn't bad. it is important to let go and get rid of anything that weighs you down and isn't helping you.

find friends who have the same goals. people who are on the right path. people who will uplift and help you. find those people who will truly have good intentions.

keep your eyes open, you never know who will pop into your life. 

Proverbs 13: 20  He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. 

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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patience: a precious and rare virtue

so, i'm starting this new thing. every month, i'm going to try and work on something new.
i've been trying to work on kindness lately, so i decided to just start fresh, since it's a new month and all.

patience.

i really do struggle with this, quite a bit. how much i struggle depends on what it's about and what it is that i'm doing/waiting for. 
life can be hard, and at times, overwhelming. it doesn't always seem fair, but life isn't really supposed to be fair or easy. we are constantly growing and trying to be better, so of course it isn't going to be a breeze.

"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

there is so much going on around us, all the time. 

in today's world, it shouldn't be too hard to be patient because there is always something to distract us or something else we can be focusing on. but at the same time, we live in a world where everything is at our fingertips. it is so easy to have access to almost anything, instantly: internet, friends (Facebook, instagram, twitter, texting), books, tv, music, amazon..pretty much anything and everything we want is just a click away. everything is becoming electronic. there are ebooks, which i hate, and netflix, and there's pretty much an app for anything you can think of. and because of all this "convenience," we get impatient by the smallest of things.

>>waiting in line at the store

>>waiting at red lights

>>not being connected to wifi

>>waiting for food at a restaurant

>>having to wait a few minutes for something to load, either on your phone, computer, or tablet

>>basically anything that we can't get instantly

it is pretty sad that we have this "i need it, and i need it now" mentality.

it is not realistic, not in the slightest. almost anything worth having and worth working for, takes time and effort.

-a relationship. if you want it to work out, it will not always be easy. you have to work for it, you have to truly want it. you have to be willing to make some changes and willing to work with each other. there must be patience on both sides; otherwise, it will never work. if you want someone to be patient with you, you must return that same patience. and, of course, if you want something to last forever, you must treat it differently.

-being successful in work, or any business related pursuit. you almost always have to work your way up. you don't just wake up CEO of the company you're working for. or in my case, you don't wake up a best selling author, or a photographer that everyone knows. it takes time. you need to have patience with yourself. spend time making yourself better. make improvements. don't expect it to all work out overnight. hard work pays off.

-getting back in shape. you will not be skinny or have a beach body after one week. you need to keep it up! fight for it. work for what you want. don't get too frustrated. you won't see results, and neither will anyone else, for at the very least, 4 weeks.

it's okay if you don't see progress right away. keep pushing. keep working towards your goals. one day, it will all pay off. life has a funny way of working out. 

if we could all have the "His will, not mine" mentality, the world would be so much better off. i do try my very best to remember that. i may have to force that into my head, but i always remind myself when i'm praying. 

sometimes the Lord has us wait for things, not to punish us, but so we can realize that it wasn't right for us, or so we can be even more grateful and appreciative of it, when we do get it.

lately, there has just been so much going wrong. family troubles, no luck trying to find a job, no luck with the apartment search, having to go to the police with fraud. it just seems like as soon as everything is going well, everything starts to tumble down around me. and that is when our patience is tested the most. 

not our patience with worldly things but our patience with God, and mostly, His timing.

i often wonder why things happen the way they do, and in the order they do. but once i have time to reflect and really think deeply about what's happened, i realize that i wouldn't have it any other way. the Lord's timing really is perfect. His way is so much better than my way. even though it seems like He is dragging me, kicking and screaming at times, when i look back, i see how much i've grown and how much stronger i have gotten. and then, i am entirely grateful. 

i love my trials, as odd as that may seem. they have shaped me into the person i am today. they have made me independent and strong. they make me have a sense of reality and peace. 

and even though each trial gets just a little harder, i am able to have a sense of peace and calmness; because, i know that Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan for me. when i do my best to follow Him, He never leads me astray. He is always right beside me. He guides me down the straight and narrow, as long as i am doing my part.

and i know that He does this with each and every one of us. we are His children, and He wants us to come home to Him again, one day. He loves us all so dearly. it is impossible to comprehend. 

someone once told me that the reason God gives us trials is not to punish us, but because we have been doing so well, and following Him so greatly, that He has to give us trials so we can grow even more and just get stronger and gain a deeper testimony. 

which, once i really thought about it, is entirely true. if we didn't have trials, or rough patches, we would just be cruisin' through life. and that isn't what this life is about. it is about growing and learning and trying to be as Christlike as we possibly can. and if we weren't tested, that would be completely impossible.

- God won't take away our burdens, but He will give us the strength to carry them ourselves, without being weighed down. 

Romans 5:3  ...but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope.

i know i already said this, but i just want to emphasize.

our trials make us stronger! they make us who we are! without them, we would never be able to grow and progress. 

life can suck sometimes, but, duhh, we think that because we let ourselves. 

part of patience is being positive. we can be patient, but if we are complaining the whole way, and dragging our heels, that kind of defeats the whole purpose.

instead, try to be happy, enjoy the wait { as much as possible } and do other things that make you happy while you're waiting. 

and patience is far more than waiting..we must actively wait and actively endure. 

in reality, impatience is selfishness. 

patience is letting go of yourself, and letting God take the wheel. and that can be hard, and really scary sometimes because we don't always know where He is taking us.

but it really can't be anywhere bad. He is our loving Heavenly Father and His plan for each of us is wonderful. and it may not be our plan, but it is always 100000x better. 

patience and trust go hand in hand a lot of the time.

think of how patient the Lord is with us, we can try a little harder to be patience, both with Him, and His children.

the effort is what really counts, just make the effort. do it.

xoxo,

jacquelyn 

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