Being more Christlike in our communication

This past Sunday Hamilton and I were asked to give talks in church. Definitely not our favorite thing at all haha. We may seem put together and outgoing, but we both get extremely nervous to talk in front of people. Small groups are more our thing.
Anyways, we were given the topic of Christlike communication and after so much prayer and research I have found out a lot about myself and my relationships with others. Hamilton's talk was so amazing and he said some things that really resonated with a lot of people. Some of this post will come from his talk too because I think it was really great and he explained the things we do when it comes to our marriage more than I did.

As I'm sure most of you know, I am Mormon. So, this post may have a few quotes from our church leaders or from the Book of Mormon.

The LDS church defines Christlike communication like this: "True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate. Their communications, both verbal and nonverbal, are to be kind, compassionate, and helpful, reflecting a love for Heavenly Father's children and an understanding that all people are brother's and sister's."
I absolutely love this definition. I think it is so important that we remember our communication is so much more that what we say. It includes our body language, facial expressions, and what we say and do on social media. I also think it is so important to remember that EVERYONE is our brother and sister, not just our blood or law relatives. We all have our own beliefs, whether they are religions, faith, spiritual, or nonexistent, we all believe something! But for those of us who call ourselves Christians, we need to act like it by treating everyone the way we would like to be treated and treating them like our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now let's talk about the marriage side of communication for a quick minute.
Mark Ogletree wrote, "Marriage experts Sandra Blakeslee and Judith S. Wallerstein have written, "A marriage that does not provide nurturance and restorative comfort can die of emotional malnutrition." Communication that validates is edifying, healing, nurturing, and complimentary. In this level of communication, we express praise and compliments to those we care about. Almost every relationship will thrive if there is a healthy dose of validation."
I LOVE this so much. I think that it is something that is so overlooked in marriages. Validation may seem silly like I don't really need Hamilton to tell me what I'm doing is good or not or to complement everything I'm doing, but it helps me feel so much more confident when he does. It is something that I personally really need from him. He doesn't really need that from me as much, which leads me to my next point.
Talk with your significant other! Find out what they need. Different people need different things. There are so many different types of communication and some people connect better and get the feels with different types. For me, it's validation and kindness. For Hamilton, it's more so just being an active listener and someone who will listen and interact with all his stories. And he needs a little bit of validation sprinkled in there too, every once in awhile, lol. Everyone needs something different, so be patient and learn with each other.

Okay, one more quote from Mark Ogletree, "I have learned over the years that healthy communication affects both the heart and the mind. If we can communicate better - meaning more clearly and concisely - then we can forge deeper emotional connections, resolve conflicts, and strengthens the bonds in our marital relationships."
He specifically says that this will help marital bonds, but I know these things can strengthen any relationship. I know that when I do my best to speak out of love and present myself in a way that is christlike, I am much happier and feel much more fulfilled at the end of the day. I also know that my mind is much more positive and I am just overall in a more positive and loving mood. This is definitely something that rings very true in my life!

Soo, this post is kind of getting long. I'll either do a part 2 (if you want) with Ham's thoughts and stuff, or I won't haha. I have really put a lot of work into this post. I wasn't sure what to say or where to start, but I know that these things have really helped me in every. single. relationship. I have in my life. Of course, these help the most with my relationship with my hubby, but I am with him the most and talk to him the most, so that makes sense!


I hope you enjoyed this and foreals...let me know if you wanna hear Ham's side!

xoxo, Jacquelyn

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"too much"

i don't really like being praised for joining the church. it was a huge deal, don't get me wrong. but it was not "too much." sure, at the time it was really hard. and i didn't think anything could ever be worse. but looking back, that trial made me so much stronger, and despite the difficulty of it, i never once questioned my decision or even considered backing out. 

i strongly believe that if we have faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father's plan for us, than we should not have a single reason to say no or to postpone anything. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been the biggest blessing in my life. it has helped me so much, with many things. i am grateful for the people that have helped me through this journey, and i really do appreciate the people who support me and are proud of me for my choice. 
but i do not like being told that "it must have been awful" and "how did you do it?" and "i don't think i would have been able to do that!"
because 1) it was awful, yes. but it made me stronger and it prepared me so much for the trials that i have had to face since then. 2) i did it because i had faith. plain and simple. i had a testimony and i was converted to the gospel. 3) if you don't think you could make it through, then how do you make it through the current trials you are going through? it was hard yes, but i know that my Savior lives and came to atone for my sins. i am so grateful for the huge sacrifice that was made for me, specifically.

it takes great strength to make such a large change in one's life. change is hard and can be very scary. religion is such a broad yet specific topic. making a change of religion, most of the time, requires us to change our lifestyle a bit. 
it is hard enough to make such a huge change on your own. but to do it despite what your family, friends, or even people you don't know might say, that makes it an even greater challenge. i really hate calling it that. it is pretty accurate though. it is a challenge, just like anything else. trials are just that, challenges. and even though not everyone will be happy with the choices we make, if they love you, they will accept you, it may not be right away, but they will eventually.

my family did not accept my decision, nor did they support it. it has taken almost a year to get to the point where we can openly talk about my religion without it turning into a huge argument. but i would not change a single moment of it. and now, they accept and fully support all i do, even if it has to do with my religion.
i am who i am today, because of what i had to go through. i have the strength that i do, because of what i had to deal with. i have such a strong testimony, and i know that i have truly been converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ because of all the things that i have had to overcome. 

struggles, trials, and challenges are real. they will happen to us no matter what. i know that if that wasn't my struggle, something else would have been. if i didn't go through that, i would not be where i am now. i am so grateful for all my trials, but that one specifically, because it set the tone for what was going to come next. 

if we can't do the simple things like have faith, trust, and hope in our Heavenly Father, how in the world would we be expected to act upon our promptings? how would we be expected to overcome our difficulties? 

it really is quite simple. pray. keep that line of communication open at all times. it is so important to have that line to Heavenly father. read your scriptures. He doesn't ask much of us, but He does ask that we read. it is how we receive most of our answers. have faith. having faith can be very tough, especially when it seems like you have no faith left, but i know that if we can push through those hard times with a strong and steady faith, we will come through on the other side. and we will be much stronger for it.

Heavenly Father will never lets us down. He is the one person that is there for us 1000% of the time. He cannot and will not lead us astray. sometimes it seems that His way is much longer and much more difficult, but that is because we need to gain strength and we need to learn some more things along the way.

i know that the things i went through/are going to go through are tough. but i also know that my faith is unwavering. as long as i am doing all that i can, as long as i can push myself to be better each and every day, i will be blessed and i will be able to overcome all that comes my way.

He will never ask "too much" of us, He will push us, yes. but it will never break us, and it will never be something we cannot do or cannot handle.



xoxo,

jacquelyn

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self worth

often times, we don't give ourselves enough credit. 
we are beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully made. { Psalm 139: 14 }
God doesn't make mistakes. no, we aren't perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. 
Heavenly Father does not expect us to be perfect, but he does expect us to try our hardest. i know that i haven't always given myself enough credit, i haven't always thought i was worthy or good enough. 
we are our worst critics, which is good and bad. it's good to be aware of the things we need to work on, but it is not okay to tear ourselves down for every little thing. 
i do it so much, and i really need to stop. 

and it's the same in our relationships. if we don't treat ourselves with respect and love, how can we expect other people to? we really can't get mad at people for not giving us the things we don't give ourselves. 
this is something that i have had the hardest time with. 
way too often, i feel like i'm the one who cares more. i'm the one who loves more. and it is great to care for and love everyone. but when we put ourselves through that, being the one that cares more, we are only going to get hurt. 
it isn't okay to be someone's convenience. it's also okay to not be someones first priority. 

i have been able to truly focus on bettering myself and i feel that i have grown so much in the past few months. i have my priorities in the right places. i am able to love myself and see my own worth. i am a catch, i am a good friend, i am a beautiful person. i know that my Heavenly Father loves me dearly. i know what i deserve, and i am not going to settle.

there comes a point in our lives when we need to get rid of the people who bring us down, no matter how hard it is. we need to get rid of the people who don't give us enough of the respect, time, love, and anything else that we need and deserve.
it's like that christina perri song, we are only human and there's only so much we can take. we are fragile, we can only bend so far backwards until we break. we can't be someone's punching bag, and we can't just be there when they need us. it needs to be a two way street. 
relationships { friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family } take work, from both sides. if one person is trying harder, it will never work, and that person will be absolutely miserable. they will constantly be thinking and asking themselves what they're doing wrong! why doesn't that person, whoever it may be, care about them as much? when in reality, it is not their fault at all. it just isn't the right relationship for either person. one isn't ready, and one is too willing. relationships are hard, but they don't have to be. we make them far more complicated then they need to be.

*i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression from all this though. i try my very best to love everyone, but there is a difference between loving and caring for them as people, and just letting them walk all over you. it is absolutely okay to not be friends with people you once were, it is not okay for you to hate and resent them. we must forgive as Christ forgave, and love as Christ loves.
Heavenly Father expects quite a bit from us, and i don't know about you, but i don't want to let Him down any more than i already have!

Colossians 3:12   Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering;

13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

15  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body: and be ye thankful.

i didn't know my worth until recently, and to be honest, i still have a hard time seeing it at times. but that's okay, it's a work in progress. if other people can't see it, then that is their loss, not mine. it is actually my gain. i don't need people who don't see my potential. i need people who are going to uplift and help me stay on the path i am on. i need people who will push me, but love me when i fail. i need tough love, but not too tough. and i know that people aren't perfect, but i also know what kind of people i do and don't need in my life.

it can be really hard to try and let those people go. you grow fond of them, you build bonds and learn to love them. the more you get to know someone, the more you start to care. it can be scary and hard to let people go, but i can promise you that if you can be strong and let go of those people who aren't giving you the respect and love you need, you will be so much happier. sometimes we need to be selfish. it isn't a sin and it isn't bad. it is important to let go and get rid of anything that weighs you down and isn't helping you.

find friends who have the same goals. people who are on the right path. people who will uplift and help you. find those people who will truly have good intentions.

keep your eyes open, you never know who will pop into your life. 

Proverbs 13: 20  He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. 

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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i have some splainin' to do...

the past few weeks there has been a lot on my mind. i've been trying to get all my mission stuff together, spending time with my family, with my friends, and just trying to do my own thing.
i kept praying and studying my scriptures, obviously, just trying to gain a deeper testimony and more knowledge for myself, and for when i go on my mission. and as i would pray, i would lose myself in my prayers and i would start praying for things that i wasn't even thinking about. like being a mom, having a family, going to college, getting a job.
i started to get a little freaked out. that isn't what i was supposed to be worrying about or focusing on.
so, i continued to just push those thoughts out of my head.
i had the typical, "should i go on a mission?" thoughts. but i figured satan was just getting in my head. i went to the temple and just prayed, harder than i ever had before.
Heavenly Father, what is your plan for me? do i go on a mission? or do i stay home, get an education, and prepare to have a family of my own?

i didn't get my answer that day, but when i opened the scriptures, i opened to two different ones..one was about putting all your trust in The Lord, and the other was Proverbs 31. which just talks about how a woman should be, and what i need to be striving to be.

i kept praying and reading scriptures. then i read my patriarchal blessing...

i got my answer loud and clear. a mission is not in my cards.
i went back to the temple for confirmation of my answer. and i received it.

i had been so excited for my mission! i couldn't wait to go! i wanted to teach the people of australia all about the gospel and show them the joy that i have been able to feel.
but it isn't God's plan for me. and that's okay.

i don't know what His plan is for me, but i will know eventually. i don't need to know right this moment. i just have to trust Him, and i'm trying my best to do that.
i know His plan is going to make me so much happier and that, no matter what anyone thinks, i am doing the right thing.

just because my plan is different, doesn't make me any less of a person. just because i won't be serving a mission, does not mean i "just got cold feet," or that i don't love my Savior. it simply means i have been sensitive to the spirit, and that i am trying to follow the path that is being laid for me.

i know that i am doing the right thing, and i know it will make me so happy. my plan is special, because it is mine.

i am so excited to find out what is in store for me!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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trust

sometimes, life can get the best of us. it is so hard. i feel like i just can't handle it or do it anymore. it's just so overwhelming.
so much is going on, and it is difficult to even think. i don't know.

all i know is that Heavenly Father will always be there for us. He is the one person who is always listening. it is hard to receive our answer, sometimes, but if we are able to listen closely, it is possible. we have to read our scriptures to get our answers.

even when it feels like my whole world is crashing down around me, i can feel peace and comfort { most of the time }.
it is so important for us to understand that Heavenly Father's plan for us, is not always our plan. but His plan is always better.

trust is the biggest factor in our relationship with Heavenly Father. we have to trust Him 100%. all the time and with every question we ask and decision we make.
recently, i've had to make some really hard, and really large life decisions. it wasn't easy, and it wasn't a quick answer. i had to work to find my answer. i had to put in effort. and i didn't really like the answers i was getting, but i just had to have faith and trust. i know that if it's His will, He will pull me through it.
God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. right now, i feel like i can't handle anymore...but i know that there is always rain before the rainbow. it is hard for me to remember that some { a lot } of the time, but that's okay. i read my scriptures and pray and go to the temple as much as i can. i know that through those things, through my efforts, the Lord will meet me in the middle and give me the answers i am seeking.

Mark 9:23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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