oh how He loves us

i feel so beyond grateful and blessed to be a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints. the road has certainly been a rough one, but i know that i have always been led in the right direction. being a member of this church can be difficult at times, not because i can't keep the commandments, but because it means holding myself to a much higher standard. and when i fall short, i get frustrated with myself. it is so amazing to me to have a Heavenly Father who loves us so dearly. i can't even begin to understand the love He has for me and all my brothers and sisters. i have felt that love when i'm in lessons with the elders or sisters and it is such an undeniable and amazing thing. it just gives me a small glimpse of the way He loves us. 

i am constantly reminded of His love by everything around me. just by being able to wake up each and every morning, to have the strength to get through the day, to have a job and go to school. there are so many things that i am blessed to have and it's so important for me to remember that.

i have been having a really hard time lately, not with the gospel or the church or anything like that. but with the small things. daily prayer and scripture study. i am working on it, but it's just been so hard lately and i'm not sure why. i know that those are the most simple things, but they truly set the tone for our lives and the way we live them. i know that when i start my day or end my day by reading the scriptures, i just feel better. i'm able to feel the spirit so much better and so much stronger. it is so wonderful and such a blessing to have that constant companionship and it is something that i need to strive for each and every day. 

having the temple so close is a huge deal, there are so many people who don't have a temple so close to them and i need to not take it for granted as much. i need to take advantage of it much more. i love the temple so much and being able to go and being worthy is one of the best feelings ever and i don't ever want to lose that. it's the one place that i can go to and forget everything outside of those walls. it's the place where i can feel my dad and satch with me and know that they are always watching over me. 

i know that repentance is real and that we can't put it off. Heavenly Father is waiting for us to come to Him and repent. He loves us so much and wants us to come back to Him. He will always love us no matter what and He sent Jesus down to be our Savior and we can't take that for granted. he payed the price for all of us and it is such an amazing and beautiful thing to know that no matter what mistakes we have made, we can always be forgiven. 

i fall short each and every day, but i know that no matter what, Heavenly Father is always there with me, waiting, longing for me to come to Him in prayer. i am so grateful for such a loving, kind Heavenly Father and an amazing, perfect older brother, Jesus Christ, who was willing to bear all of our burdens and sins on his shoulders. i love this gospel and know without a doubt that it is true and i couldn't be more grateful for those who have helped me along the way.

xoxo

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lately

i've been thinking a lot lately..uh oh..and i am just so thankful for the gospel. my life has hit quite a few big bumps in the last year. if i didn't have the gospel i don't know what would have happened or how i would have reacted.
i know that having the knowledge i do and especially being able to go to the temple helps me so much. there are a few times where i know i would have strayed from the straight and narrow, and i would've strayed far. if i wasn't temple worthy, i can guarantee that i would have done those things, but knowing that i could go to the Lord's house at anytime is what saved me from doing those things. it was a personal struggle on top of all the other things that were going on. i am just so grateful for my friends both the ones who are members and the ones who aren't. i can honestly say that i don't know where i would be without them.
lately i feel like i'm coming undone. i don't know why or what triggered it. i've been so happy and grateful. but recently i just am not feeling that way. i'm more emotionally unstable and my eating problems are coming back, not too much, but they're there. i haven't had those problems in almost a year. i don't know what is triggering these feelings and thoughts, but i just know that i have to push through. i make sure to tell someone, so obviously i decided to tell hamilton and he doesn't really know what to do, but he knows, so he can talk to me about it and see how i'm really doing.
the gospel can help us overcome anything and everything. i know that these trials and hard times are tests. it is Heavenly Father's way of testing me and telling me that i need to do some growing. i can't get lazy with scripture study and daily prayer. which i most definitely have lately. that's the way it works. as soon as i stop doing what i need to be doing, i hit a trial, hard. not always, sometimes i hit trials when i'm doing everything i need to and when i'm trying my best. but Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. His plan is always the best. and trials just happen to be part of that plan.
sometimes i just feel like i don't know what to do or where to start to try and feel better. i don't want to have to rely on someone else to make me feel better, and i don't think i've ever really done that. i try to be independent, too independent. i shut down from everyone around me and don't talk to anyone and it's bad for me but also for my relationships. i get scared i don't want my problems to be belittled or get told that they're stupid. i'm scared of getting hurt. but i know it's an irrational fear, most of the time. i need to let go of that and talk to people. i hurt myself by bottling everything up.

but anyways, i am so happy that this church is true, i know that it is! and it is not a place for perfect people, it is for imperfect people trying to better themselves. no one is perfect but we are trying and that's what is important. i am so happy to have a loving Heavenly Father who loves me more than i could ever comprehend no matter what mistakes i may make. and i am so grateful and happy to have Jesus Christ as my savior. if it wasn't for him, i wouldn't be able to repent and be forgiven. i wouldn't be able to live with Heavenly Father again after this life.
i am so happy and grateful for the church leaders that help me and are so willing to do anything to help me with anything that may be going on.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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Gone Girl

if you are looking for a crazzzyyyy good book that will keep you guessing the entire time, than look no further than Gone Girl! 
it was probably one of the best books i've read in a really long time. i kept thinking i knew what would happen next, but i had no clue. this book had my mind racing and i couldn't put it down. 
it made me mad, happy, sad, and a whole bunch of other emotions.

after reading a few mediocre books, i kinda gave up on finding a new, great book for awhile. but then i decided to pick up this little black book and am so happy i did. Gillian Flynn knows how to keep you guessing and wanting more. 
it is a cunning tale of a man and woman. on their five year wedding anniversary, the wife goes missing and no one can seem to figure out what happened. then, naturally, the fingers start to point back to the husband...and the rest, i wouldn't dare to reveal! you'll just have to read it for yourself.

once you pick it up and start reading you won't be able to put it down. i promise you that much.
so go ahead and get to readin!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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currently...

currently - supposed to be writing my humanities essay/project. that just doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. when's it due? tomorrow in class. will i have time to finish it by then? sure, if i don't sleep. i have work at 5, so i may just skip the sleeping thing tonight. i don't know why, i just can't seem to focus. oh well.

yesterday was my dad's birthday. he would have been 65. i woke up at 9 to get ready for my yoga class. it kind of slipped my mind, until i was in the car driving to campus. it takes me about 35 minutes to get there, so that gives me plenty of thinking time. by the time i got there, i was just not very happy. it was the first real event that happened since he has been gone.
and if you've ever taken a yoga class, you know that the last 5-10 minutes is just straight meditating and time for deep thought.
my teacher is very spiritual and talks to us during meditation and it just brings out so many emotions. i remember laying on my mat. on my back. arms at my sides. palms up. shoulders down. deep breathing. all these thoughts were popping into my mind and i may have had a few tears roll down my cheeks. i just remember thinking i couldn't do it. i couldn't go to my other classes. i couldn't get through this day. i just had to go home and stay in bed all day. that's all i could imagine doing. but the word can't isn't allowed in yoga either. so i pushed those thoughts out of my mind and started telling myself that i could. i am strong, i can get through this. it's okay to struggle. it's going to be hard. i miss him. and it's hard. there's nothing that can make it any easier. but that's okay. it's okay. i'm allowed to have a hard time.
so all this was going through my mind while i was laying there. then my mind just went blank. i stopped thinking all together. it was the strangest, most comforting thing ever. i didn't know what happened but i knew that by telling myself i could do it, i was given the strength to do so.
i went to all my classes, and it wasn't the easiest day. it was really hard actually. but i got through it.
i went to hamilton's after and he had freshly baked cookies, one in the shape of a J waiting for me on the counter. he knew it was a hard day and wanted to do what he could to help. < little did he know that i was going to ask if we could make cookies. it's like he read my mind  > anyways, i stayed and had dinner with him and his family, and then we had fhe all together. i was grumpy and got a little fussy with him during it. but he handled it like a champ, and for that. i am just so grateful.

i feel so blessed for the people i have in my life. my friends are so wonderful to me. they do what they can to make sure i'm okay. hamilton is so great and i feel so blessed to have him. he makes me want to be the best i can be and he really just helps me so much more than he will ever know. and my family. they are my support and i know they are always there for me to lean on. i am so grateful for each person in my life and don't know what i would do without them!

 i just love him so :)

 doesn't he look like the happiest man you've ever met? that's because he was. always.

and today is my hippie parents anniversary. 36 years. the love they shared was so amazing. it is something i pray to have with the person i marry. they have had some of the hardest trials, but have always put their marriage first and gotten through everything together. they were a single unit and i will always strive to be like them.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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n e w

it was definitely time for a much overdue change. 
i deleted my old Facebook and made an entirely new one. 
why?
cuzzzz, out with the old and in with the new!
but forrealzzzzz...
because, my life has gone through so many changes and i felt like i really just needed a clean slate. there isn't much to it besides that. 
i wanted a way to get rid of all that negative crap that pops up, a way to unfriend those people who just bring me down, and a way to get all the photos of my past that just bring back bad memories. and that seemed like the simplest and best way to do so. 
and so, that's exactly what i did. and i'll tell ya what, i feel so much better now. 

i feel like i just uncluttered a shelf of my brain, which feels amazing. it's hard to describe and seems like such a small, stupid thing. but it made me feel better and that's what counts. 
so hey, i don't care what anyone else says.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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hello again

i don't really know why i stopped blogging...or writing at all.
it has always been my outlet and my way of dealing with stress.
whatever, i'll get back into it i'm sure. i hope..

everything just seems to escalate sometimes. 
i'll be doing really well, and all the sudden..boom! it hits me all at once.
like school. when the semester started, i threw myself into my classes much more than i ever had before. and now, i'm starting to fade.
but, i can't. i need to keep it up and keep doing all the things i have been. 
my dad's death definitely effected me. i needed something to put all my time and effort in, and that was school. i worked harder than i ever had before and pushed myself way harder than usual. 
and now, i'm just starting to really feel it. 
gotta make him proud, so i gotta just push on through it.

i just feel like everything is crashing down sometimes, and i need someone to help me hold it all up in place. 
hamilton does that though, he helps keep me stay focused on what's really important. he doesn't let me stay too stressed, and when i do get stressed, he makes sure to keep my mind off everything. and i don't think he realizes how grateful i am for that! 

this post really isn't going anywhere..it's just me getting started again, i guess...


xoxo,

jacquelyn 

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hello?

the past two weeks have been dragging and draining, to say the least.
i feel like i'm just holding on by a string and at any moment i could snap. it just seems like life is becoming too overwhelming and stressful and i'm not sure how to handle it this time. usually i can handle it really well, but this time is different.
i have so much homework everyday, and the pressure is really on to find a new job and start working a heck of a lot more. i feel like i'm being worked really hard, but i'm not. emotionally, i'm not there at all, and i think that's the real problem. if i could gather my emotions and just talk about them and figure out what's going on inside my head, i'll be much better off. 

but i know what the real problem is.. i'm not being the best me i can be. i'm not being as Christlike as i can be, and it needs to change. 
there has been so much going on lately and it has been so overwhelming that i don't really know what to do or how to deal with it. but today i went to a lesson with the sister missionaries, and i prayed before i went to the lesson so i could have the spirit, but in the lesson i wasn't really there. i was zoning out and i just wasn't fully there. and after i left i realized that i need to make a big switch. my dad dying has put this black cloud over me, and that's okay. everyone deals with grief differently. there is no right or wrong way. but that doesn't give me an excuse not to be doing my daily scripture study and all those things. 
i was doing so well with everything and i was so sensitive to the spirit, and it was like a switch went off in me somewhere. but it just turned back on, and on it will stay.

i'm excited to read my scriptures and be sensitive to the spirit again. and i'm so very excited for general conference next month! i really cannot wait. it's the best ever. 


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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wise words.

life lately has been a bit overwhelming.
school is crazy. so much homework, i feel like that's all i do lately. but oh well #collegestatus

as you can tell, i kind of gave up on that 30 day challenge thing..oh well. i don't have time for that right now.
as overwhelming and tough this week has been, there are still so many things that i'm grateful for.
last weekend i was able to go to bradenton for the long weekend and it was so fun. Hammy came with me and got to meet my family and that went well. we all went on the boat and to the beach and just had a ton of fun. but it was hard to come back to orlando. i'm not sure why, it was just harder than usual.
i have such a love/hate relationship with bradenton right now. i love coming here to see my family and stuff, but i don't like being here. all the memories of my dad come back and it's just more real when i'm here. and i want to have those memories and remember, it just makes it harder. then leaving bradenton is hard too. i want to just stay with my family sometimes, but i have to go to school and have my own life and blah blah blah.
that probably didn't make any sense..it's just a weird thing and hard to explain.

i'm glad i have such great friends in orlando though. and ham, he has been so good to and for me. and he doesn't mind my awful mood swings haha, he just makes me laugh, then it's all good.


i've been finding some great quotes lately though, and they have really helped me have a better attitude.

 sorry there are so many..that's what happens when i don't write anything for a few weeks, or however long it's been.

they've just helped me a lot on those extra rough/stressful days.
wise words to help us get through.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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likes // dislikes

>> ten likes and dislikes.
not sure if i'm supposed to do ten of each or just 5 and 5. i'll see how many i can think of.

let's start with the dislikes.

1. banana's. i only like them in my cheerios or smoothies, i just don't like the way they taste or smell or the texture..yuck.
2. indie music. i can appreciate it, but i don't like listening to it at all. there are very few songs that i like.
3. gen eds. i just want to take the classes that pertain to my major...not all these other random classes i'll never need.
4. not living in the same town as my family. i go home pretty often, but i wish we just lived in the same town again.
5. artificial strawberry. need i say more? yuck.

my likes.

1. chocolate. just about anything.
2. pizza. it's always a good idea.
3. my boyfrandd. it's pretty important that i like him haha.
4. tropical smoothie. i'm pretty obsessed with them. i could go there every.single.day and it would never get old.
5. acoustic music. i love it, i like the acoustic covers so much more than the actual songs a lot of the time.

i couldn't think of enough dislikes to make 10 of each haha, i guess that's good thing though!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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basic

this whole challenge thing starts now, i guess.

a few basic things about myself :

> i've lived in florida my whole life.
> i have 5 older brothers.
> i went to high school in key west sophomore-senior year.
> i grew up catholic, but i'm mormon now - part of the story.
> my number one goal right now is to swim with some dang whale sharks.
> my family means everything to me and i would do anything for any of them.
> the ocean is my drug, i can't go very long without being near/in it.
> i'm pretty much obsessed with disney. 
> i'm also pretty super obsessed with tropical smoothie..their acai berry boost or the pomegranate/cranberry ones are my go to. 

> music is what gets me through the day most of the time. 
> i hate going to school, but i love learning..it's a give a take.
> i don't want to go to school, i just want to be a momma haha. but i know i need some sort of degree, so i'm working on getting that done.
> my major changes like every other week, but i always seem to go back to psych and eng. so i figure that i should stick with something i'm always interested in.
> if i could pick any career right now, i would either be an author/editor, or a counselor for high school aged students who are having a difficult time and/or are going through hard times.
> i'm not a big fan of indie/hipster things...i know, i know..get with the times. i just can't though haha.
> if i had to choose a famous lady to look up to, it would be Jacqueline Kennedy. she was so dang classy, and somehow stayed sane through the many losses in her family. 
          fun fact - i went to chicago and they had a museum type thing with all of her clothes..so classy.

i think that's about it.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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30 days.

so, i'm not going to start it yet. i'll start it tomorrow when it isn't midnight..
i need to get into the whole writing thing again. plus i think it'll help me a bit. 

so i'm sorry if i'm posting toooo much haha. kinda. not really. hehe.

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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normality?

i think it's about time to get back into the normal swing of things..we'll see how it goes. 

these past two months have been the longest months of my life..like ever. but it's okay. i'm working on things and trying to get myself back to a healthy and normal place. 
classes start in a week, and you could say i'm dreading it..a lot. but that's okay, it'll definitely keep me busy! and i'm going to key west not this weekend, but next. and i'm pretty dang excited. i definitely need to go and be on the water and just be a mermaid for a long weekend.

i have no idea what i'm writing about right now..i'm kind of just rambling until i get stuck on a topic..
it isn't really working the way it usually does haha. 
maybe i should just upload some photos..that sounds like a pretty good idea..

chelly left on her mission Aug. 5th..i miss my best friend..like a freakin lot...

 and this kid..he's pretty cool, you could say i like him a little more than a little :)

 bestie for the restie? i think so.

 i miss west coast florida sunsets

 and i miss my nieces.

 bout dang time you move to orlando. 

i love this gospel so much. i am beyond grateful for the truth and knowledge that i have.

i'm trying to live a more grateful and worthy of the spirit life. i lost it for a little bit after my dad died, but i'm trying to get back on track. despite everything that has been going on, i'm trying to find little things to be grateful for everyday. whether it's being thankful for a cloudy day, so it isn't so hot, or just being thankful for having the strength to get through another day. there really is so much to be grateful for, it's just a matter of opening your eyes and seeing them. 
happiness is a choice and i'm trying hard to make that choice everyday. some days it's easy, and some it's really hard. and sometimes i get a little consumed in it all, it's hard not to.

anyways, i guess that's all for today..my creative juices just aren't flowin' too well.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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m i a

i've been a little mia the past few weeks..sorry.

so much has been going on though. 

i had classes, i work, and i've had a lot of family stuff goin on. i'm totally slackin' in the 'writing/blogging' department. but oh well, i'll catch up eventually.

my dad died june 30th, so it's been a really rough month. i haven't written anything since and i'm not really sure what to even write about. i know that i should be happy just because i know that i'll be with him again eventually, and he isn't in pain anymore, which i am happy about. but i'm just having a really hard time with it and i just don't ever feel like doing anything. nothing has ever effected me this much before, or in this way. we were so close and it's just hard to imagine not being able to talk to him anymore.

i went home for the first time since the funeral, and it definitely was not easy  i just kept imagining him walking out of the room and talking to my mom and me, but it never happened. it was the first time i really talked about him since it happened. i got home at around 12 am, and my mom was still awake. so we just hung out and talked until about 2 am, and i really needed that. it was a lot of talking and crying, but also a lot of reminiscing and laughter. death is always sad, but it always makes me forget the bad times and only remember the best times.

so i guess that's really all that has been going on, but that's plenty.

 >> excuse how fat i look here..

picture overload #sorrynotsorry..

my parents are the best and coolest, obvi. I couldn't have asked for better ones even if i wanted to.

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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numero uno

i know, i know...i'm a day late and a dollar short. but my dad doesn't know how to use the internet, so he'll never know!

alright, sappy Father's Day post starts now...

..well, i'm not sure where to even start! my dad has truly been my best friend since the very start. i was homeschooled until 7th grade, so i got to spend a lot of time with my parents, and all my family. 
at the time, i hated it. but as i get older, i realize what a blessing it was. i am so close with my family because of it, and i truly am grateful for the time i was able to spend with my grandparents, cousins, and my own parents. 
while i was little, probably until i was 10 or so, my dad would always be on the phone. my parents owned their own business, so it was a bit inevitable. i absolutely hated it though. i wanted their undivided attention at all times. but that just wasn't how it worked. they were still always there though. and they were always listening, i just never knew.
and i'm also so grateful for the time i was homeschooled because my dad and i got to go on the boat, just him and i, almost everyday until i was about 8. i cherish those days so much.

i have such a close and great relationship with both my parents. i couldn't be happier with the way my family is.

but back to my dad, i love him oh so much. he has always been my #1 supporter. he always pays extra to sit front row at all my dance recitals. he never missed a swim meet. he will go out of his way, always, to make sure i'm always happy and always comfortable. he would give me his last penny, if it meant he could see me smile. 
i know that he loves me so much, and i can only hope that he knows i love him as much as i possibly can. 
he has always been someone i can talk to, no matter how sensitive the subject may be. 
most people describe their dad as the bread-winner, the tough one, or the "manly man." and while, yes, my dad is all those things, he is also sensitive, and loving, and tender. 
i don't have to just go to him when i need him to straighten out a boy that hurt me, or to help me with the difficult stuff. i can go to him with an emotional problem. he may not be able to give the same advice as my mom, but he can sure hug and comfort me better than anyone else.
right now, he isn't doing to well, and it breaks my heart. i can only pray that he will get better and be his happy and usual self again soon. 

when i think about my dad, i think about the times he would walk into the kitchen, stop for a moment and look around at me and whoever else was around, and just start singing and dancing. 
he is probably one of the funniest people i know. that must be where i get it from ;)

i love coming to town for weekends because seeing him just brightens my day. seeing all my family does, but there is no bond like the father-daughter bond we share. it can never be replaced! 

i love my daddy with my whole heart. he's always numero uno in my book..that can never change <3

xoxo,

jacquelyn 

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"too much"

i don't really like being praised for joining the church. it was a huge deal, don't get me wrong. but it was not "too much." sure, at the time it was really hard. and i didn't think anything could ever be worse. but looking back, that trial made me so much stronger, and despite the difficulty of it, i never once questioned my decision or even considered backing out. 

i strongly believe that if we have faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father's plan for us, than we should not have a single reason to say no or to postpone anything. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been the biggest blessing in my life. it has helped me so much, with many things. i am grateful for the people that have helped me through this journey, and i really do appreciate the people who support me and are proud of me for my choice. 
but i do not like being told that "it must have been awful" and "how did you do it?" and "i don't think i would have been able to do that!"
because 1) it was awful, yes. but it made me stronger and it prepared me so much for the trials that i have had to face since then. 2) i did it because i had faith. plain and simple. i had a testimony and i was converted to the gospel. 3) if you don't think you could make it through, then how do you make it through the current trials you are going through? it was hard yes, but i know that my Savior lives and came to atone for my sins. i am so grateful for the huge sacrifice that was made for me, specifically.

it takes great strength to make such a large change in one's life. change is hard and can be very scary. religion is such a broad yet specific topic. making a change of religion, most of the time, requires us to change our lifestyle a bit. 
it is hard enough to make such a huge change on your own. but to do it despite what your family, friends, or even people you don't know might say, that makes it an even greater challenge. i really hate calling it that. it is pretty accurate though. it is a challenge, just like anything else. trials are just that, challenges. and even though not everyone will be happy with the choices we make, if they love you, they will accept you, it may not be right away, but they will eventually.

my family did not accept my decision, nor did they support it. it has taken almost a year to get to the point where we can openly talk about my religion without it turning into a huge argument. but i would not change a single moment of it. and now, they accept and fully support all i do, even if it has to do with my religion.
i am who i am today, because of what i had to go through. i have the strength that i do, because of what i had to deal with. i have such a strong testimony, and i know that i have truly been converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ because of all the things that i have had to overcome. 

struggles, trials, and challenges are real. they will happen to us no matter what. i know that if that wasn't my struggle, something else would have been. if i didn't go through that, i would not be where i am now. i am so grateful for all my trials, but that one specifically, because it set the tone for what was going to come next. 

if we can't do the simple things like have faith, trust, and hope in our Heavenly Father, how in the world would we be expected to act upon our promptings? how would we be expected to overcome our difficulties? 

it really is quite simple. pray. keep that line of communication open at all times. it is so important to have that line to Heavenly father. read your scriptures. He doesn't ask much of us, but He does ask that we read. it is how we receive most of our answers. have faith. having faith can be very tough, especially when it seems like you have no faith left, but i know that if we can push through those hard times with a strong and steady faith, we will come through on the other side. and we will be much stronger for it.

Heavenly Father will never lets us down. He is the one person that is there for us 1000% of the time. He cannot and will not lead us astray. sometimes it seems that His way is much longer and much more difficult, but that is because we need to gain strength and we need to learn some more things along the way.

i know that the things i went through/are going to go through are tough. but i also know that my faith is unwavering. as long as i am doing all that i can, as long as i can push myself to be better each and every day, i will be blessed and i will be able to overcome all that comes my way.

He will never ask "too much" of us, He will push us, yes. but it will never break us, and it will never be something we cannot do or cannot handle.



xoxo,

jacquelyn

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tfios

i'm not going to lie.. i was a bit underwhelmed.

don't get me wrong, it was a great book! i just don't think it lived up to all the hype.
i may be the only one who thinks so, but that's alright.

i did enjoy the story, and i really enjoyed the humor.
i think it had an amazing point to get across. love shouldn't be held back, even if you think you or the other person will get hurt.
love is something that we need to be more willing to give away. and less worried about "losing."

i think one of my favorite parts of the book, was when Augustus tells Hazel that "You're a hard person to comfort."
and she replies with "Easy comfort isn't comforting."
and i agree. 100%. comforting someone is not supposed to be..'oh, let me just give you a hug, say it'll all be okay, then leave.' no. true comfort someone takes time, it takes love. if comforting was easy, then there would be much less of it needed.

i do think this book was a wonderful read, it just wasn't as good as i thought it would be. which is totally fine! every one is different, and this one just didn't quite tickle my fancy..

now i'm on to the next book!
being a bookworm is very fun, but tiring sometimes. it gets hard to keep track of all the lives i'm living!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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self worth

often times, we don't give ourselves enough credit. 
we are beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully made. { Psalm 139: 14 }
God doesn't make mistakes. no, we aren't perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. 
Heavenly Father does not expect us to be perfect, but he does expect us to try our hardest. i know that i haven't always given myself enough credit, i haven't always thought i was worthy or good enough. 
we are our worst critics, which is good and bad. it's good to be aware of the things we need to work on, but it is not okay to tear ourselves down for every little thing. 
i do it so much, and i really need to stop. 

and it's the same in our relationships. if we don't treat ourselves with respect and love, how can we expect other people to? we really can't get mad at people for not giving us the things we don't give ourselves. 
this is something that i have had the hardest time with. 
way too often, i feel like i'm the one who cares more. i'm the one who loves more. and it is great to care for and love everyone. but when we put ourselves through that, being the one that cares more, we are only going to get hurt. 
it isn't okay to be someone's convenience. it's also okay to not be someones first priority. 

i have been able to truly focus on bettering myself and i feel that i have grown so much in the past few months. i have my priorities in the right places. i am able to love myself and see my own worth. i am a catch, i am a good friend, i am a beautiful person. i know that my Heavenly Father loves me dearly. i know what i deserve, and i am not going to settle.

there comes a point in our lives when we need to get rid of the people who bring us down, no matter how hard it is. we need to get rid of the people who don't give us enough of the respect, time, love, and anything else that we need and deserve.
it's like that christina perri song, we are only human and there's only so much we can take. we are fragile, we can only bend so far backwards until we break. we can't be someone's punching bag, and we can't just be there when they need us. it needs to be a two way street. 
relationships { friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family } take work, from both sides. if one person is trying harder, it will never work, and that person will be absolutely miserable. they will constantly be thinking and asking themselves what they're doing wrong! why doesn't that person, whoever it may be, care about them as much? when in reality, it is not their fault at all. it just isn't the right relationship for either person. one isn't ready, and one is too willing. relationships are hard, but they don't have to be. we make them far more complicated then they need to be.

*i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression from all this though. i try my very best to love everyone, but there is a difference between loving and caring for them as people, and just letting them walk all over you. it is absolutely okay to not be friends with people you once were, it is not okay for you to hate and resent them. we must forgive as Christ forgave, and love as Christ loves.
Heavenly Father expects quite a bit from us, and i don't know about you, but i don't want to let Him down any more than i already have!

Colossians 3:12   Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering;

13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

15  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body: and be ye thankful.

i didn't know my worth until recently, and to be honest, i still have a hard time seeing it at times. but that's okay, it's a work in progress. if other people can't see it, then that is their loss, not mine. it is actually my gain. i don't need people who don't see my potential. i need people who are going to uplift and help me stay on the path i am on. i need people who will push me, but love me when i fail. i need tough love, but not too tough. and i know that people aren't perfect, but i also know what kind of people i do and don't need in my life.

it can be really hard to try and let those people go. you grow fond of them, you build bonds and learn to love them. the more you get to know someone, the more you start to care. it can be scary and hard to let people go, but i can promise you that if you can be strong and let go of those people who aren't giving you the respect and love you need, you will be so much happier. sometimes we need to be selfish. it isn't a sin and it isn't bad. it is important to let go and get rid of anything that weighs you down and isn't helping you.

find friends who have the same goals. people who are on the right path. people who will uplift and help you. find those people who will truly have good intentions.

keep your eyes open, you never know who will pop into your life. 

Proverbs 13: 20  He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. 

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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patience: a precious and rare virtue

so, i'm starting this new thing. every month, i'm going to try and work on something new.
i've been trying to work on kindness lately, so i decided to just start fresh, since it's a new month and all.

patience.

i really do struggle with this, quite a bit. how much i struggle depends on what it's about and what it is that i'm doing/waiting for. 
life can be hard, and at times, overwhelming. it doesn't always seem fair, but life isn't really supposed to be fair or easy. we are constantly growing and trying to be better, so of course it isn't going to be a breeze.

"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

there is so much going on around us, all the time. 

in today's world, it shouldn't be too hard to be patient because there is always something to distract us or something else we can be focusing on. but at the same time, we live in a world where everything is at our fingertips. it is so easy to have access to almost anything, instantly: internet, friends (Facebook, instagram, twitter, texting), books, tv, music, amazon..pretty much anything and everything we want is just a click away. everything is becoming electronic. there are ebooks, which i hate, and netflix, and there's pretty much an app for anything you can think of. and because of all this "convenience," we get impatient by the smallest of things.

>>waiting in line at the store

>>waiting at red lights

>>not being connected to wifi

>>waiting for food at a restaurant

>>having to wait a few minutes for something to load, either on your phone, computer, or tablet

>>basically anything that we can't get instantly

it is pretty sad that we have this "i need it, and i need it now" mentality.

it is not realistic, not in the slightest. almost anything worth having and worth working for, takes time and effort.

-a relationship. if you want it to work out, it will not always be easy. you have to work for it, you have to truly want it. you have to be willing to make some changes and willing to work with each other. there must be patience on both sides; otherwise, it will never work. if you want someone to be patient with you, you must return that same patience. and, of course, if you want something to last forever, you must treat it differently.

-being successful in work, or any business related pursuit. you almost always have to work your way up. you don't just wake up CEO of the company you're working for. or in my case, you don't wake up a best selling author, or a photographer that everyone knows. it takes time. you need to have patience with yourself. spend time making yourself better. make improvements. don't expect it to all work out overnight. hard work pays off.

-getting back in shape. you will not be skinny or have a beach body after one week. you need to keep it up! fight for it. work for what you want. don't get too frustrated. you won't see results, and neither will anyone else, for at the very least, 4 weeks.

it's okay if you don't see progress right away. keep pushing. keep working towards your goals. one day, it will all pay off. life has a funny way of working out. 

if we could all have the "His will, not mine" mentality, the world would be so much better off. i do try my very best to remember that. i may have to force that into my head, but i always remind myself when i'm praying. 

sometimes the Lord has us wait for things, not to punish us, but so we can realize that it wasn't right for us, or so we can be even more grateful and appreciative of it, when we do get it.

lately, there has just been so much going wrong. family troubles, no luck trying to find a job, no luck with the apartment search, having to go to the police with fraud. it just seems like as soon as everything is going well, everything starts to tumble down around me. and that is when our patience is tested the most. 

not our patience with worldly things but our patience with God, and mostly, His timing.

i often wonder why things happen the way they do, and in the order they do. but once i have time to reflect and really think deeply about what's happened, i realize that i wouldn't have it any other way. the Lord's timing really is perfect. His way is so much better than my way. even though it seems like He is dragging me, kicking and screaming at times, when i look back, i see how much i've grown and how much stronger i have gotten. and then, i am entirely grateful. 

i love my trials, as odd as that may seem. they have shaped me into the person i am today. they have made me independent and strong. they make me have a sense of reality and peace. 

and even though each trial gets just a little harder, i am able to have a sense of peace and calmness; because, i know that Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan for me. when i do my best to follow Him, He never leads me astray. He is always right beside me. He guides me down the straight and narrow, as long as i am doing my part.

and i know that He does this with each and every one of us. we are His children, and He wants us to come home to Him again, one day. He loves us all so dearly. it is impossible to comprehend. 

someone once told me that the reason God gives us trials is not to punish us, but because we have been doing so well, and following Him so greatly, that He has to give us trials so we can grow even more and just get stronger and gain a deeper testimony. 

which, once i really thought about it, is entirely true. if we didn't have trials, or rough patches, we would just be cruisin' through life. and that isn't what this life is about. it is about growing and learning and trying to be as Christlike as we possibly can. and if we weren't tested, that would be completely impossible.

- God won't take away our burdens, but He will give us the strength to carry them ourselves, without being weighed down. 

Romans 5:3  ...but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope.

i know i already said this, but i just want to emphasize.

our trials make us stronger! they make us who we are! without them, we would never be able to grow and progress. 

life can suck sometimes, but, duhh, we think that because we let ourselves. 

part of patience is being positive. we can be patient, but if we are complaining the whole way, and dragging our heels, that kind of defeats the whole purpose.

instead, try to be happy, enjoy the wait { as much as possible } and do other things that make you happy while you're waiting. 

and patience is far more than waiting..we must actively wait and actively endure. 

in reality, impatience is selfishness. 

patience is letting go of yourself, and letting God take the wheel. and that can be hard, and really scary sometimes because we don't always know where He is taking us.

but it really can't be anywhere bad. He is our loving Heavenly Father and His plan for each of us is wonderful. and it may not be our plan, but it is always 100000x better. 

patience and trust go hand in hand a lot of the time.

think of how patient the Lord is with us, we can try a little harder to be patience, both with Him, and His children.

the effort is what really counts, just make the effort. do it.

xoxo,

jacquelyn 

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