this guy.

i have the most amazing and most supportive husband. he is so good to me.
i am no where near perfect and struggle to be the best i can be.
hamilton is so loving and caring towards me. i have had too many breakdowns to count and i lash out too often, yet he somehow finds ways to handle my attitude.
it can be difficult for me to deal with all the emotions that go through my mind.

i cant say enough good things about him.
he is so loving.
he is so amazing with my nieces and nephews, it just makes me excited to have children with him.
he is the hardest worker i know.
he is also the goofiest person i know.
we are constantly laughing.
he makes my cheeks hurt from how much he makes me smile.
i love how he pushes me to be better everyday.
he pushes me to accomplish my goals.
he talks with me about my crazy dreams i have for our future.
he will watch my beauty youtube videos with me.
he builds me up every single day.
he never lets me win games, which i hate sometimes, but it does make me try harder to use my brain haha.
he can have fun doing absolutely anything.
he will travel anywhere and everywhere with me.

and so so much more.

one of the first pictures of us. he made me go to this dance, but we had so much fun

this is his favorite picture of us from before we were dating

engagement photos with the best photographer ever!

our first concert together. the best time ever!

honeymoooon

can we just appreciate this water for a minute??

 

 pda because i dont care

 picture overload, as usual.

xoxo, jacquelyn

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it's been a while

hey there blogger. it's been a little while since i've posted. 

life's been crazy and i've been dealing with quite a bit. 

married life is amazing as ever and honestly just keeps getting better. 

life in my head hasn't been quite as good. i've been dealing with depression.

it has been getting better, but not totally better. i've decided to start blogging again because writing has always been an outlet for me.

hopefully this will help me out a little bit.

anyways, life has been a little wild. 

hamilton and i moved back to my home town and i am so happy here.

we went to tennessee for a week and that was such an amazing trip. i haven't adventured that much in a long time.

hamilton's older brother and his older sister both got married in july. a week apart.

my brother came from michigan, with his family, for a couple weeks. that was so fun and it was so nice to spend time with them.

i have stopped taking all prescription medicine and i honestly feel so much better.

my body feels better, i am super tired all the time, but that's just my totally out of whack with my sleeping schedule.

hamilton has a super awesome job with a mangrove cutting company, he's really starting to like that. and i am working at a boutique on the island.

ohhh and we went to another twenty one pilots concert, andddd it was even more amazing than the first time |-/

 

i am so overwhelmed with the beauty that i've seen this summer. i am so amazing with the world and all the amazing things it holds. i want to travel everywhere.

xoxo, jacquelyn claire

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decisions, decisions

so, this past year and a half has been the craziest. ever.
i am so grateful for the gospel and that i have a loving Heavenly Father.

for all my readers, and people who know me personally, you know that i was supposed to go on a mission last year. i got my call in february and then i made the decision that i shouldnt go.

it took a lot of praying and many, many trips to the temple to figure that out. and i was not happy about it. i was ready to go. i spent months preparing and learning so much. i knew i needed to listen to my promptings and do what i felt the lord was telling me to.

a week or so later i met hamilton, who i'm now married to. and a little over a month later, on the day i was supposed to fly to australia, my father passed away.

if i would have gone on my mission, i would have been so far away and since its two days of travel, i would've missed my dads funeral. i was so close with him and this was/is probably one of the most difficult things i've had to/am still dealing with.

i know that i was supposed to stay home and not go on my mission so i could be here with my family during this difficult time. it was important for me to spend those months preparing and learning so much about the gospel as well as myself.

 just doin his favorite thing

so much love. our last picture together before he passed two months later.
rest easy daddy. june 30, 2014.

i am still realizing why it was important for me to stay home. 

so many things have happened other than my dad passing. 

my mom, nephews, hamilton, and i all went to michigan in december.
hamilton proposed to me in january. 
i was going to college.
working.
doing my best to do all the things i needed to.
i became financially independent.
planned my wedding.

it doesnt seem like a lot, but it was probably the most hectic, awful, yet amazing year.
in the midst of all these things may 22nd hit.
it's an emotional day for my family to begin with. my oldest brother, Satch, passed away in 2003. he was in a fatal car accident. and may 22nd is his birthday. so it's always a bit of a gloomy day.

i was at hamilton's house. sitting on the couch with his mom, him, and the little girl his mom watches. i get a call from my mom saying that my brother was in the hospital and she doesnt know whats wrong, but shes on her way now and to say a prayer. 
 my stomach dropped. i had the biggest pit in my stomach and i knew something bad happened.
i get a call probably a half hour later from my mom. she just said that my brother Sam had passed. i had no idea what to even say. it was such a shock to me. all i said to her was "okay, im on my way home."

i got up and went into hamiltons room. i had a lot of clothes at his house so i just started packing. mindlessly. 
hamilton comes in and asks me what happened. aware of the call i had with my mom saying he was in the hospital, so i just shook my head. 
it was friday which means i was supposed to be working and so was he. 
he called both of our works and we went on our way to bradenton. 

my brother was such a gentle soul. he was so loving and kind and had a heart of gold. 
after our dad passed, he told hamilton that he felt like he needed to be a father-figure. and he was, all my brothers are. 

 like father like son haha

 christmas morning is obviously really rough

i love my family so much and i feel like it keeps getting smaller. it is so sad and seems so unfair.

i know that there is a bigger plan. and who knows why things happen. all i know is that i am so grateful that i listened to those promptings over a year ago. if i hadnt, i wouldve been in australia during all these things and i know i wouldve had such a hard time. 

there have been some awful things that happened, but i know that im stronger and my heart is sad, but its so full of wonderful memories, and i feel like i have more love and understanding in my heart and mind than ever before. 

and less than a month later i married hamilton aaron birkeland. it was the most beautiful and wonderful day of my life. my heart was heavy because the most important people in my life, the ones who taught me the most, my dad and brother werent able to be there to celebrate this joyous day with me and the rest of my family. 

 i had to honor those who couldnt be there

my life has been so full and amazing so far. i know that bad things have happened, and they dont seem fair sometimes. but i try to stay positive because i know ill be with my family again one day. it wont be soon and the journey there will not be easy, but itll be worth it. 


xoxo

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