Grow

I have been struggling kind of a lot lately. There have been such HUGE life changes in the past two-three years. I know that sounds like a long time for things to still be affecting me, but when you lose a loved one or get married, those are things that will probably affect you for the rest of your life. The thing is that you can choose how it affects you. You can have a positive or negative outlook. You can grow from it or you could not. The worst thing we can do to ourselves is to stop growing or stop trying.
I know we get stuck in ruts and life happens. We get into routines and that gets comfortable, but in my opinion, that is how a lot of us stop growing. Routines are wonderful things! Having a morning routine or a nighttime routine is great and it can actually be really good for your health. Start changing other things up. Switch up the meals you eat, change where you and your significant other go on dates or vacations. Go to new places, I can guarantee that there is some place, some park you haven't been to in your local or neighboring town.
Hamilton and I have a rule when we go out to eat, especially if we are traveling. Only new restaurants. We can't eat at any places we've been to before. We also try not to go to the same place twice. There are a few places we've absolutely fallen in love with and I'm sure we will go visit them again. BUT there are so many beautiful state parks and amazing places so close to us that we haven't been to yet!
I also try really hard to come up with new and interesting date nights. For example, we got into a rut where we would just order pizza and watch a movie, or we wouldn't have a date night at all! And trust me, I have nothing against getting pizza and a movie! Pizza is my favorite haha. I love spending any time with my hubs, but I wanted to get outside and do new and interesting things. So I started to brainstorm some new ideas. One night we went to the beach and had a picnic during the sunset and it was absolutely beautiful! Plus neither of us had cell service so it was pretty awesome to just spend time being quite and actually talking to each other.

I know this post probably seems a little all over the place, but for me, all these things really go together. I am not a person who can do the same things over and over again. So for me to continue growing I really have to continually change things up. That isn't to say that I don't have certain things that I do every single day.
For example, I (try to) always read my scriptures and pray. I always check and write new things in my planner. I always try to journal or write something on my blog (I have TONS of posts that I have written that I just haven't shared yet). There is absolutely nothing wrong with having set routines and set plans for yourself every day! These are all simply my opinions and what works for me.

So here are a few of my tips to keeping things new and fresh.

1. Go to your local farmers market instead of your regular grocery store.

2. Read a book that is outside of what you usually read. Especially if you usually only read fiction! Try to read something that is nonfiction too!

3. Watch a documentary instead of the same show or movie on Netflix. I have been doing this lately and I love it! I feel so much better afterward because I actually learned a thing or two. And I know a lot of the times they can be biased, so then I can do some research and see what the whole scoop is.

4. Branch out and listen to some new music!

5. Instead of going for a walk or run down the same street, drive to your local park! It may be out of the way, but trust me, you'll enjoy it so much more. I've been trying a lot lately to do this and it is so much more fun! I'm not looking at the same stuff all the time!

6. Go camping instead of staying in a hotel.

7. Don't just read those inspirational quotes on Pinterest, instead pick one each week and try to live it.

This is the one I'm working on this week.

8. Make one new recipe every week. Some people make new recipes all the time, but I am someone who just makes the same things all the time. I don't know why because I love to cook!

9. Try to eat breakfast every day. I struggle with this. I mean I didn't even eat breakfast this morning! But I do know it makes a HUGE difference in my attitude when I do.

10. Challenge yourself to do something you're afraid of. This is something I really try to do, but never can. There isn't a whole lot I'm afraid of, but the things I am afraid of...I am REALLY afraid of...I will say that I am afraid of putting myself out there and I have done a really good job at opening up to people when I usually wouldn't.

I could really go on forever. Maybe I'll do a part two soon. These are just some of the things that really have helped me continue to grow and develop as a person. I feel like the past two years I have truly learned and grown so much more than I ever have. I have made a conscious effort to do the best I can and to not get stuck in a continuous cycle of the same things over and over again.


xoxo, Jacquelyn

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this guy.

i have the most amazing and most supportive husband. he is so good to me.
i am no where near perfect and struggle to be the best i can be.
hamilton is so loving and caring towards me. i have had too many breakdowns to count and i lash out too often, yet he somehow finds ways to handle my attitude.
it can be difficult for me to deal with all the emotions that go through my mind.

i cant say enough good things about him.
he is so loving.
he is so amazing with my nieces and nephews, it just makes me excited to have children with him.
he is the hardest worker i know.
he is also the goofiest person i know.
we are constantly laughing.
he makes my cheeks hurt from how much he makes me smile.
i love how he pushes me to be better everyday.
he pushes me to accomplish my goals.
he talks with me about my crazy dreams i have for our future.
he will watch my beauty youtube videos with me.
he builds me up every single day.
he never lets me win games, which i hate sometimes, but it does make me try harder to use my brain haha.
he can have fun doing absolutely anything.
he will travel anywhere and everywhere with me.

and so so much more.

one of the first pictures of us. he made me go to this dance, but we had so much fun

this is his favorite picture of us from before we were dating

engagement photos with the best photographer ever!

our first concert together. the best time ever!

honeymoooon

can we just appreciate this water for a minute??

 

 pda because i dont care

 picture overload, as usual.

xoxo, jacquelyn

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i have some splainin' to do...

the past few weeks there has been a lot on my mind. i've been trying to get all my mission stuff together, spending time with my family, with my friends, and just trying to do my own thing.
i kept praying and studying my scriptures, obviously, just trying to gain a deeper testimony and more knowledge for myself, and for when i go on my mission. and as i would pray, i would lose myself in my prayers and i would start praying for things that i wasn't even thinking about. like being a mom, having a family, going to college, getting a job.
i started to get a little freaked out. that isn't what i was supposed to be worrying about or focusing on.
so, i continued to just push those thoughts out of my head.
i had the typical, "should i go on a mission?" thoughts. but i figured satan was just getting in my head. i went to the temple and just prayed, harder than i ever had before.
Heavenly Father, what is your plan for me? do i go on a mission? or do i stay home, get an education, and prepare to have a family of my own?

i didn't get my answer that day, but when i opened the scriptures, i opened to two different ones..one was about putting all your trust in The Lord, and the other was Proverbs 31. which just talks about how a woman should be, and what i need to be striving to be.

i kept praying and reading scriptures. then i read my patriarchal blessing...

i got my answer loud and clear. a mission is not in my cards.
i went back to the temple for confirmation of my answer. and i received it.

i had been so excited for my mission! i couldn't wait to go! i wanted to teach the people of australia all about the gospel and show them the joy that i have been able to feel.
but it isn't God's plan for me. and that's okay.

i don't know what His plan is for me, but i will know eventually. i don't need to know right this moment. i just have to trust Him, and i'm trying my best to do that.
i know His plan is going to make me so much happier and that, no matter what anyone thinks, i am doing the right thing.

just because my plan is different, doesn't make me any less of a person. just because i won't be serving a mission, does not mean i "just got cold feet," or that i don't love my Savior. it simply means i have been sensitive to the spirit, and that i am trying to follow the path that is being laid for me.

i know that i am doing the right thing, and i know it will make me so happy. my plan is special, because it is mine.

i am so excited to find out what is in store for me!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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oh, hey.

i've been so mia lately..there has just been so much going on.

i feel like i've been so busy..yet, somehow, not busy at all. does that make sense? probably not. oh well.

so first things first..sonny and i are officially over. we have been for over a month now. we talked everything out and came to a mutual agreement. we need to respect each other and he needs to focus on his mission, while i focus on what i need to be doing.

we started as best friends so there's no reason to be immature about this. we will probably be friends, but for now, i know it's hard. who knows what will happen.

i've gone on a few dates. but now i'm dating this one guy and he's so great. soooo, that's pretty great!

i've been going back and forth between orlando, bradenton, and key west a lot lately. and it's great, but also kind of hard. it's wayyy too much to explain tonight though.

the temple has become my top priority. i try to go every week, twice a week, if i can. it is such a blessing to live so close and to be able to go whenever i want/need to.

things just seem to be crazy right now. my mind is going in so many different directions. i know it will all work out though. my path isn't too clear right now, but at the same time, it's very clear..kind of confusing..i know.

but there is so much more i have to say. that will have to come later though, after my meeting on sunday..then comes the real update.

(sorry for the picture overload)

so stay posted!

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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life lately

things seem to be going so fast and slow at the same time.
my mission is coming up so soon, but i still have so much to do!
i'm trying to sublease my apartment and i think i finally found someone who can take it! i'm extremely relieved about that!
this month seems crazy, so much traveling and driving and to-do's.

and then there's sonny. i don't even know where to start.
i've been getting these little nudges from the Holy Spirit that i need to talk to him about our relationship status. i ignored it for a little while, then i got the prompting to reread my Patriarchal Blessing, and if that wasn't a slap from God then i don't know what is.
it specifically talks about my dating life saying, and i knew the moment i read it that i wasn't supposed to be with him. i need to date other people and do whatever it is that i need to do. i'm not sure if we'll be together again or not, it is so hard going from planning my whole life with someone, to only being friends. but i know that's what i need to do.
then i went to the temple, with the question of 'what in the world am i supposed to do?!'
and i received my answer, loud and clear. 
it isn't our time. it's my time. i'll be leaving for my mission soon and i need to focus on that and maybe go on a few dates here and there. 
who knows what's going to happen, i moved to orlando for some reason and maybe i just don't know that reason yet. it's so hard to really even say these things but i know that these decisions are so much easier when i have the Lord on my side. 
i am so thankful for the temple and being able to receive personal revelation. whatever happens, i know that i will be so happy and blessed. and i know that even though this is hard for both of us, sonny will be so happy also. Heavenly Father won't make it so we are miserable or unhappy, this decision came from the Spirit so i know it's what's best.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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fathers and daughters and family

let me tell you about my #1 fan..
papa knowles, father, dad, daddy, Ron, Ronald..all names of my very funny, loving, and accepting dad.
some people say that superman, spiderman, ironman, or hulk are their super heroes..well that is not the case with me. mine is my dad. i really love him so much.
growing up, we went on the boat almost everyday, just me and him. once in awhile, one or a few of my brothers would come with us. but most of the time, it was just us.
>> i remember the first time he let me go out without my lifejacket. i felt so grown up. i was only 6 or 7, but to me, i was beginning to be like a grown up. i didn't need it anymore; i could swim just fine all by myself.
>> i remember the time i hooked, what seemed to be, a huge fish! he started the boat and drove forward, while i tried to reel it in. my little arms couldn't handle the big fish on my own, but he thought i could do it. he had faith in me. he believed in me. and even though i didn't catch the fish, he still loved me and told me it was okay.

these are all small and simple things, but to me, they are my childhood, my memories, my most cherished times. i love my family more than anything and i don't know what i would do without any of them. especially my parents.
the most touching, special, sad, crazy, and intense moment i had with him was sometime in october of 2002.
>> i remember walking through the front room and my dad was sitting on the bench with a few of my brothers. he was drinking a beer. the house was so sad and i never knew what to say. Satch, my brother, had only been dead for a few days/weeks. and my dad called me over and sat me on his lap. he looked at me and told me that i was the only reason he could smile, i was the light in the middle of all this darkness.
as an eight year old, i had no clue what the heck to say. i was barely grasping the fact that my brother was gone. but somehow, that memory has stuck with me this long. i remember it quite often.

^i don't think i've seen a happier picture of either of them

i know that my dad loves me, he shows me in all the things he does for me. i may not always agree with it, but i know he does what he does because it's best for me.

when i was thinking about serving a mission, my dad wasn't upset because it was a "mormon" mission, he wasn't upset for any reason at all. he was happy that i included him in my decision making process. he was happy that i had enough respect to ask him and talk to him about it before i actually made the decision.
that is the kind of father he is. he loves me. so much. and he is proud of me for making good choices, he may not always say it, but he shows it. he is my number one fan. he's been to every piano recital, all of my end of the year ballet recital { he may complain about the price, but he'll always pay extra to sit front row }, he has witness all of my winning catches (talking about fishing and such), he's the first one to tell my if he doesn't like a friend or boyfriend, he always makes sure i'm taken care of, and he won't hesitate to tell me if my shorts are too short, shirt is too low, or if he likes what i'm wearing.
he has taught me that family is everything. it's important to provide for your family. it is important to work together with your family. family. is. everything.

i could not be more proud to call Ronald Louis Knowles my father. no matter what happens, he will always be my number 1 and i know that i will be his.

my dad is the best, he's better than the rest. and there's nothing anyone can do about that.

i truly have been blessed with the most loving, kind, tender, sweet, amazing, and wonderful parents anyone could ever ask for. my family has definitely had it's fair share of trials, but somehow we pull through stronger than before. no, we are not ideal, but it works. no, we aren't all as close as i would like, but i know i can turn to either of my parents or any of my brothers at anytime, and they will be by my side in a heartbeat.
we sacrifice, forgive, forget, learn to love, learn to trust, and most importantly are there for each other no matter what. we are a family. and that is what really matters.
i would do anything for any of them and it is just such a beautiful thing. God has blessed us all with each other. He knew that despite everything, we could learn to love each other. He placed us all together so we could test each other, and learn from each other. He knows exactly why we're family, and there is a reason for it.
i'm proud to call this crazy bunch my family. they're my life and my heart. no matter what anyone says; they can never take that away from any of us.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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i love to see the temple

i'm going there someday. to feel the Holy Spirit, to listen and to pray. for the temple is the house of God, a place of love and beauty. i'll prepare myself while i'm young; this is my sacred duty. 
i'll go inside someday. i'll covenant with my Father; i'll promise to obey. for the temple is a holy place where we are sealed together. as a child of God, I've learned this truth; a family is forever.

i had the most amazing and beautiful opportunity last saturday.
march 15, 2014 was probably one of the most special days of my life. i can't quite explain how i felt.
it was bliss, it was a burning in my bosom, it was immensely uplifting.

before i was feeling a little anxious, but mostly excited. the moment i walked past the front dest, i almost burst into tears. the spirit was so strong, and it was actually happening! i didn't think i would receive my endowments until i was about to get married. plans change though! and i couldn't be happier or more excited. going in, i wasn't really focused on receiving answers to specific questions. since it was my first time, i was just focusing on the feelings and the emotions. and boy, it was crazy! it wasn't too overwhelming! just intense! and i don't really know what words to use! it was so powerful!
i think i was more prepared that i thought i was; i know that this is where i belong. i know that what i am doing is right. i know this is what i need to be doing! i know that the things i will be teaching and learning are true. there is nothing else i would rather be doing!
i made covenants with my Heavenly Father and i will do everything to keep them!
it is home, my heart and spirit feel so at peace there. it is the House of the Lord and i know that. i can feel it anytime i just look at it.
i am so blessed with the amazing support system i have! they are so amazing and so understanding and loving! i don't know what i would do without them, it's kinda crazy <3

i have truly never felt more pure and clean in my life! i literally felt like i was glowing! my mind and body was incredibly tired afterwards though. it was such a crazy, amazing, and joyous day!
it's one to be cherished :)

just some before and afters ;)

 i wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be my escort, thank you for all you do/have done fore me <3

the only thing that could've made it better would've been my own parents being there. but that's okay, maybe one day we can go together :)


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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