Women's March Thoughts

Pic: Women's March

I know that there have been plenty of articles about this subject already but I have been doing some deep thinking lately and really felt inclined to share. I'm sure we are all perfectly aware of the things going on in the world (especially our own country) right now and these are just a few of my opinions and thoughts on the matter. I have been writing this since I heard about the march. I have just been trying to figure out what to say, and I hope these words are taken with love. Also, I do not want to get into a political debate, that is not what this is about. Please refrain from any of those comments.

I am not someone who supported or was against the women's march. I myself, wouldn't have marched, but that's a personal choice. The things the ladies were marching for specifically I don't totally support, but that's another topic for another day.
I am incredibly amazed by the peacefulness of the march. Many protests in today's society are violent and include massive terrorization of the cities they themselves call home. So, I am very impressed by the way the whole thing was handled.

Society is all about telling us what to be, what to wear, how our bodies should look, how we should eat, etc. Society does not rule out lives. We do. The only way we can even attempt to overtake these insane views the media and society, as a whole, put on us is to stand together and "march" against it. Women tend to be the first ones to criticize the media and society, yet they continue to tear one another down. I am guilty of it just as much as anyone else. We need to start making a conscious effort as women to lift each other up.
  - And I will say that I am proud of the brands that have stopped using photoshop and accepting all models. We are definitely making steps in the right direction.

I almost transferred high schools because I got bullied and talked about. I was miserable and a lot of people knew what was happening and they would join in on it. No one tried to help. I didn't have anyone on my side and it was a horrible time in my life. I was helpless. I look back on my middle school and early high school years and feel so bad for that young girl. She was weak and scared. She had some amazing friends, but most of them were not at the same school. If I had other girls standing behind me and helping me through that time I would have probably really enjoyed that time in my life. I know I am not the only one who has had these experiences, but we can put an end to that. IF we can stand together and stand by the side of our fellow women and especially young girls.
I have tried so hard to make an effort to all the women I know and the ones I don't. I have gone out of my way to talk to the girls who seem sad or seem like they don't have many friends. I know that by doing those small things, just being a friend or just saying "hello" to someone new can make someone's day so much better. This has also made my own life better. It has given me fulfillment and meaning. I have seen a change in myself and the relationships I have. I know so many people try to be kind. I read stories daily of women lifting up other women and it makes my heart so happy. Could you imagine if 1/2 or even 1/4 of us did that every day, though? This world would be a better and safer place.

I know many strong and beautiful women, and you want to know the things that make them so wonderful? They are full of love. They are forgiving. They don't let what others think about them bring them down. They stand up for other people and other women. They are 100% themselves 100% of the time. That is what's wonderful about them.
I could list a ton of ladies I admire and look up to (most are even in my own family), but those women are already trying, doing, and practicing these things.

Could you imagine a world where we don't body shame? Or a world where media and society have no power over us? Or a world where we don't speak ill of other women?
I can, and it is a beautiful place that we should all strive to be a part of.
I may not support the things the women were marching for, but I do support them standing up together and loving one another. I am happy to live in a world where we were and are able to peacefully stand together, but there is more we need to be doing in our daily lives. That was one day, we need to be doing these things and standing with other women every. single. day.

1 John 4: 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Romans 13: 10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

"See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Next time you overhear someone being mean to their waitress, tell her she's worthy of kindness. Next time you see that girl in the bathroom crying, tell her how beautiful she is. Next time you overhear someone being brought down by others, take a stand against it. You can make a huge impact in someone's life.


xoxo, Jacquelyn

Read More

decisions, decisions

so, this past year and a half has been the craziest. ever.
i am so grateful for the gospel and that i have a loving Heavenly Father.

for all my readers, and people who know me personally, you know that i was supposed to go on a mission last year. i got my call in february and then i made the decision that i shouldnt go.

it took a lot of praying and many, many trips to the temple to figure that out. and i was not happy about it. i was ready to go. i spent months preparing and learning so much. i knew i needed to listen to my promptings and do what i felt the lord was telling me to.

a week or so later i met hamilton, who i'm now married to. and a little over a month later, on the day i was supposed to fly to australia, my father passed away.

if i would have gone on my mission, i would have been so far away and since its two days of travel, i would've missed my dads funeral. i was so close with him and this was/is probably one of the most difficult things i've had to/am still dealing with.

i know that i was supposed to stay home and not go on my mission so i could be here with my family during this difficult time. it was important for me to spend those months preparing and learning so much about the gospel as well as myself.

 just doin his favorite thing

so much love. our last picture together before he passed two months later.
rest easy daddy. june 30, 2014.

i am still realizing why it was important for me to stay home. 

so many things have happened other than my dad passing. 

my mom, nephews, hamilton, and i all went to michigan in december.
hamilton proposed to me in january. 
i was going to college.
working.
doing my best to do all the things i needed to.
i became financially independent.
planned my wedding.

it doesnt seem like a lot, but it was probably the most hectic, awful, yet amazing year.
in the midst of all these things may 22nd hit.
it's an emotional day for my family to begin with. my oldest brother, Satch, passed away in 2003. he was in a fatal car accident. and may 22nd is his birthday. so it's always a bit of a gloomy day.

i was at hamilton's house. sitting on the couch with his mom, him, and the little girl his mom watches. i get a call from my mom saying that my brother was in the hospital and she doesnt know whats wrong, but shes on her way now and to say a prayer. 
 my stomach dropped. i had the biggest pit in my stomach and i knew something bad happened.
i get a call probably a half hour later from my mom. she just said that my brother Sam had passed. i had no idea what to even say. it was such a shock to me. all i said to her was "okay, im on my way home."

i got up and went into hamiltons room. i had a lot of clothes at his house so i just started packing. mindlessly. 
hamilton comes in and asks me what happened. aware of the call i had with my mom saying he was in the hospital, so i just shook my head. 
it was friday which means i was supposed to be working and so was he. 
he called both of our works and we went on our way to bradenton. 

my brother was such a gentle soul. he was so loving and kind and had a heart of gold. 
after our dad passed, he told hamilton that he felt like he needed to be a father-figure. and he was, all my brothers are. 

 like father like son haha

 christmas morning is obviously really rough

i love my family so much and i feel like it keeps getting smaller. it is so sad and seems so unfair.

i know that there is a bigger plan. and who knows why things happen. all i know is that i am so grateful that i listened to those promptings over a year ago. if i hadnt, i wouldve been in australia during all these things and i know i wouldve had such a hard time. 

there have been some awful things that happened, but i know that im stronger and my heart is sad, but its so full of wonderful memories, and i feel like i have more love and understanding in my heart and mind than ever before. 

and less than a month later i married hamilton aaron birkeland. it was the most beautiful and wonderful day of my life. my heart was heavy because the most important people in my life, the ones who taught me the most, my dad and brother werent able to be there to celebrate this joyous day with me and the rest of my family. 

 i had to honor those who couldnt be there

my life has been so full and amazing so far. i know that bad things have happened, and they dont seem fair sometimes. but i try to stay positive because i know ill be with my family again one day. it wont be soon and the journey there will not be easy, but itll be worth it. 


xoxo

Read More

lately

i've been thinking a lot lately..uh oh..and i am just so thankful for the gospel. my life has hit quite a few big bumps in the last year. if i didn't have the gospel i don't know what would have happened or how i would have reacted.
i know that having the knowledge i do and especially being able to go to the temple helps me so much. there are a few times where i know i would have strayed from the straight and narrow, and i would've strayed far. if i wasn't temple worthy, i can guarantee that i would have done those things, but knowing that i could go to the Lord's house at anytime is what saved me from doing those things. it was a personal struggle on top of all the other things that were going on. i am just so grateful for my friends both the ones who are members and the ones who aren't. i can honestly say that i don't know where i would be without them.
lately i feel like i'm coming undone. i don't know why or what triggered it. i've been so happy and grateful. but recently i just am not feeling that way. i'm more emotionally unstable and my eating problems are coming back, not too much, but they're there. i haven't had those problems in almost a year. i don't know what is triggering these feelings and thoughts, but i just know that i have to push through. i make sure to tell someone, so obviously i decided to tell hamilton and he doesn't really know what to do, but he knows, so he can talk to me about it and see how i'm really doing.
the gospel can help us overcome anything and everything. i know that these trials and hard times are tests. it is Heavenly Father's way of testing me and telling me that i need to do some growing. i can't get lazy with scripture study and daily prayer. which i most definitely have lately. that's the way it works. as soon as i stop doing what i need to be doing, i hit a trial, hard. not always, sometimes i hit trials when i'm doing everything i need to and when i'm trying my best. but Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. His plan is always the best. and trials just happen to be part of that plan.
sometimes i just feel like i don't know what to do or where to start to try and feel better. i don't want to have to rely on someone else to make me feel better, and i don't think i've ever really done that. i try to be independent, too independent. i shut down from everyone around me and don't talk to anyone and it's bad for me but also for my relationships. i get scared i don't want my problems to be belittled or get told that they're stupid. i'm scared of getting hurt. but i know it's an irrational fear, most of the time. i need to let go of that and talk to people. i hurt myself by bottling everything up.

but anyways, i am so happy that this church is true, i know that it is! and it is not a place for perfect people, it is for imperfect people trying to better themselves. no one is perfect but we are trying and that's what is important. i am so happy to have a loving Heavenly Father who loves me more than i could ever comprehend no matter what mistakes i may make. and i am so grateful and happy to have Jesus Christ as my savior. if it wasn't for him, i wouldn't be able to repent and be forgiven. i wouldn't be able to live with Heavenly Father again after this life.
i am so happy and grateful for the church leaders that help me and are so willing to do anything to help me with anything that may be going on.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

Read More

trust

sometimes, life can get the best of us. it is so hard. i feel like i just can't handle it or do it anymore. it's just so overwhelming.
so much is going on, and it is difficult to even think. i don't know.

all i know is that Heavenly Father will always be there for us. He is the one person who is always listening. it is hard to receive our answer, sometimes, but if we are able to listen closely, it is possible. we have to read our scriptures to get our answers.

even when it feels like my whole world is crashing down around me, i can feel peace and comfort { most of the time }.
it is so important for us to understand that Heavenly Father's plan for us, is not always our plan. but His plan is always better.

trust is the biggest factor in our relationship with Heavenly Father. we have to trust Him 100%. all the time and with every question we ask and decision we make.
recently, i've had to make some really hard, and really large life decisions. it wasn't easy, and it wasn't a quick answer. i had to work to find my answer. i had to put in effort. and i didn't really like the answers i was getting, but i just had to have faith and trust. i know that if it's His will, He will pull me through it.
God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. right now, i feel like i can't handle anymore...but i know that there is always rain before the rainbow. it is hard for me to remember that some { a lot } of the time, but that's okay. i read my scriptures and pray and go to the temple as much as i can. i know that through those things, through my efforts, the Lord will meet me in the middle and give me the answers i am seeking.

Mark 9:23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

xoxo,

jacquelyn

Read More

fathers and daughters and family

let me tell you about my #1 fan..
papa knowles, father, dad, daddy, Ron, Ronald..all names of my very funny, loving, and accepting dad.
some people say that superman, spiderman, ironman, or hulk are their super heroes..well that is not the case with me. mine is my dad. i really love him so much.
growing up, we went on the boat almost everyday, just me and him. once in awhile, one or a few of my brothers would come with us. but most of the time, it was just us.
>> i remember the first time he let me go out without my lifejacket. i felt so grown up. i was only 6 or 7, but to me, i was beginning to be like a grown up. i didn't need it anymore; i could swim just fine all by myself.
>> i remember the time i hooked, what seemed to be, a huge fish! he started the boat and drove forward, while i tried to reel it in. my little arms couldn't handle the big fish on my own, but he thought i could do it. he had faith in me. he believed in me. and even though i didn't catch the fish, he still loved me and told me it was okay.

these are all small and simple things, but to me, they are my childhood, my memories, my most cherished times. i love my family more than anything and i don't know what i would do without any of them. especially my parents.
the most touching, special, sad, crazy, and intense moment i had with him was sometime in october of 2002.
>> i remember walking through the front room and my dad was sitting on the bench with a few of my brothers. he was drinking a beer. the house was so sad and i never knew what to say. Satch, my brother, had only been dead for a few days/weeks. and my dad called me over and sat me on his lap. he looked at me and told me that i was the only reason he could smile, i was the light in the middle of all this darkness.
as an eight year old, i had no clue what the heck to say. i was barely grasping the fact that my brother was gone. but somehow, that memory has stuck with me this long. i remember it quite often.

^i don't think i've seen a happier picture of either of them

i know that my dad loves me, he shows me in all the things he does for me. i may not always agree with it, but i know he does what he does because it's best for me.

when i was thinking about serving a mission, my dad wasn't upset because it was a "mormon" mission, he wasn't upset for any reason at all. he was happy that i included him in my decision making process. he was happy that i had enough respect to ask him and talk to him about it before i actually made the decision.
that is the kind of father he is. he loves me. so much. and he is proud of me for making good choices, he may not always say it, but he shows it. he is my number one fan. he's been to every piano recital, all of my end of the year ballet recital { he may complain about the price, but he'll always pay extra to sit front row }, he has witness all of my winning catches (talking about fishing and such), he's the first one to tell my if he doesn't like a friend or boyfriend, he always makes sure i'm taken care of, and he won't hesitate to tell me if my shorts are too short, shirt is too low, or if he likes what i'm wearing.
he has taught me that family is everything. it's important to provide for your family. it is important to work together with your family. family. is. everything.

i could not be more proud to call Ronald Louis Knowles my father. no matter what happens, he will always be my number 1 and i know that i will be his.

my dad is the best, he's better than the rest. and there's nothing anyone can do about that.

i truly have been blessed with the most loving, kind, tender, sweet, amazing, and wonderful parents anyone could ever ask for. my family has definitely had it's fair share of trials, but somehow we pull through stronger than before. no, we are not ideal, but it works. no, we aren't all as close as i would like, but i know i can turn to either of my parents or any of my brothers at anytime, and they will be by my side in a heartbeat.
we sacrifice, forgive, forget, learn to love, learn to trust, and most importantly are there for each other no matter what. we are a family. and that is what really matters.
i would do anything for any of them and it is just such a beautiful thing. God has blessed us all with each other. He knew that despite everything, we could learn to love each other. He placed us all together so we could test each other, and learn from each other. He knows exactly why we're family, and there is a reason for it.
i'm proud to call this crazy bunch my family. they're my life and my heart. no matter what anyone says; they can never take that away from any of us.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

Read More

a whole year

March 3rd, 2013. wow, that day was scary/intense/the greatest day ever, to say the least!
looking back it honestly seems so silly. i remember i had to sneak out of my house and have Sonny pick me up, to take me to church, because my mom took my keys. my parents [ mostly mom ] did everything they could to prevent it from happening. but i knew that this is true and i knew it was exactly what i needed to do.
i can't believe it's been a whole year since that day! it's crazy to see how far i've come! 
>> i entered the waters exactly one year ago. 
and i can honestly say, it is one of the greatest decisions i've ever made. it was also one of the hardest. it was so easy once i knew it was true, but it was so hard once i told my parents. they hated the idea of me being mormon. 
i got every reason in the book. it was a cult. they still believe in polygamy. they don't honor Mary or the saints. they believe we can all be gods. they're way too secretive. 
i heard it all. and it's funny because none of that is true! but it was hard to explain through the yelling and the tears. 
anyways, i know that i made the right choice, and i also know that i am doing what the Lord needs me to do.

it took me 4 months to learn that the church was true, 4 months to learn enough to know it was the right place for me. when you know, you know. 
i got kicked out of my house a few times, just for a few days at a time though. and i got the cold shoulder from my parents for what seemed like forever. it was so hard and there were some very hurtful things thrown my way. 
but looking back, i laugh. my parents and i have never been closer than we are right now, despite everything that has happened. the Lord works in great ways and most of the time we don't really see it! it is so amazing that he does so much for me! my parents aren't huge fans of the church, but they accept and love me. that is really all i could ask for. my mom is my best friend, and i couldn't imagine having to go through life without her being that. my dad is my number one fan and my biggest supporter, and i don't know what i would do if i ever lost that.

i know that this church is true and i know that i am exactly where i need to be. doing what i need to be doing. 
when i first got baptized, going on a mission was out of the question. but here i am, getting my endowments in 12 days, and going on a mission in 107. i cannot wait. i have never been this excited for something! i know that i'm going where i'm needed and that the things i will be teaching are true! 
it is such a blessing and such a saving grace to know that i am fulfilling God's plan for me.

i love this church and i love that everything fits together. it is all perfect in every way. the church and it's teachings are perfect, the people are not. and that's okay! we're not supposed to be perfect, we're just supposed to try our very hardest to live like Jesus did.

i am eternally grateful to those who helped me get this far, and those who were there for me every step of the way. and especially those who taught me and brought me to the gospel! 
you da best!

>> so grateful for this kid! 

>> one of the greatest days ever!

  >> the day i got my call to go to Australia Sydney South!!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

Read More