oh how He loves us

i feel so beyond grateful and blessed to be a member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints. the road has certainly been a rough one, but i know that i have always been led in the right direction. being a member of this church can be difficult at times, not because i can't keep the commandments, but because it means holding myself to a much higher standard. and when i fall short, i get frustrated with myself. it is so amazing to me to have a Heavenly Father who loves us so dearly. i can't even begin to understand the love He has for me and all my brothers and sisters. i have felt that love when i'm in lessons with the elders or sisters and it is such an undeniable and amazing thing. it just gives me a small glimpse of the way He loves us. 

i am constantly reminded of His love by everything around me. just by being able to wake up each and every morning, to have the strength to get through the day, to have a job and go to school. there are so many things that i am blessed to have and it's so important for me to remember that.

i have been having a really hard time lately, not with the gospel or the church or anything like that. but with the small things. daily prayer and scripture study. i am working on it, but it's just been so hard lately and i'm not sure why. i know that those are the most simple things, but they truly set the tone for our lives and the way we live them. i know that when i start my day or end my day by reading the scriptures, i just feel better. i'm able to feel the spirit so much better and so much stronger. it is so wonderful and such a blessing to have that constant companionship and it is something that i need to strive for each and every day. 

having the temple so close is a huge deal, there are so many people who don't have a temple so close to them and i need to not take it for granted as much. i need to take advantage of it much more. i love the temple so much and being able to go and being worthy is one of the best feelings ever and i don't ever want to lose that. it's the one place that i can go to and forget everything outside of those walls. it's the place where i can feel my dad and satch with me and know that they are always watching over me. 

i know that repentance is real and that we can't put it off. Heavenly Father is waiting for us to come to Him and repent. He loves us so much and wants us to come back to Him. He will always love us no matter what and He sent Jesus down to be our Savior and we can't take that for granted. he payed the price for all of us and it is such an amazing and beautiful thing to know that no matter what mistakes we have made, we can always be forgiven. 

i fall short each and every day, but i know that no matter what, Heavenly Father is always there with me, waiting, longing for me to come to Him in prayer. i am so grateful for such a loving, kind Heavenly Father and an amazing, perfect older brother, Jesus Christ, who was willing to bear all of our burdens and sins on his shoulders. i love this gospel and know without a doubt that it is true and i couldn't be more grateful for those who have helped me along the way.

xoxo

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lately

i've been thinking a lot lately..uh oh..and i am just so thankful for the gospel. my life has hit quite a few big bumps in the last year. if i didn't have the gospel i don't know what would have happened or how i would have reacted.
i know that having the knowledge i do and especially being able to go to the temple helps me so much. there are a few times where i know i would have strayed from the straight and narrow, and i would've strayed far. if i wasn't temple worthy, i can guarantee that i would have done those things, but knowing that i could go to the Lord's house at anytime is what saved me from doing those things. it was a personal struggle on top of all the other things that were going on. i am just so grateful for my friends both the ones who are members and the ones who aren't. i can honestly say that i don't know where i would be without them.
lately i feel like i'm coming undone. i don't know why or what triggered it. i've been so happy and grateful. but recently i just am not feeling that way. i'm more emotionally unstable and my eating problems are coming back, not too much, but they're there. i haven't had those problems in almost a year. i don't know what is triggering these feelings and thoughts, but i just know that i have to push through. i make sure to tell someone, so obviously i decided to tell hamilton and he doesn't really know what to do, but he knows, so he can talk to me about it and see how i'm really doing.
the gospel can help us overcome anything and everything. i know that these trials and hard times are tests. it is Heavenly Father's way of testing me and telling me that i need to do some growing. i can't get lazy with scripture study and daily prayer. which i most definitely have lately. that's the way it works. as soon as i stop doing what i need to be doing, i hit a trial, hard. not always, sometimes i hit trials when i'm doing everything i need to and when i'm trying my best. but Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. His plan is always the best. and trials just happen to be part of that plan.
sometimes i just feel like i don't know what to do or where to start to try and feel better. i don't want to have to rely on someone else to make me feel better, and i don't think i've ever really done that. i try to be independent, too independent. i shut down from everyone around me and don't talk to anyone and it's bad for me but also for my relationships. i get scared i don't want my problems to be belittled or get told that they're stupid. i'm scared of getting hurt. but i know it's an irrational fear, most of the time. i need to let go of that and talk to people. i hurt myself by bottling everything up.

but anyways, i am so happy that this church is true, i know that it is! and it is not a place for perfect people, it is for imperfect people trying to better themselves. no one is perfect but we are trying and that's what is important. i am so happy to have a loving Heavenly Father who loves me more than i could ever comprehend no matter what mistakes i may make. and i am so grateful and happy to have Jesus Christ as my savior. if it wasn't for him, i wouldn't be able to repent and be forgiven. i wouldn't be able to live with Heavenly Father again after this life.
i am so happy and grateful for the church leaders that help me and are so willing to do anything to help me with anything that may be going on.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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"too much"

i don't really like being praised for joining the church. it was a huge deal, don't get me wrong. but it was not "too much." sure, at the time it was really hard. and i didn't think anything could ever be worse. but looking back, that trial made me so much stronger, and despite the difficulty of it, i never once questioned my decision or even considered backing out. 

i strongly believe that if we have faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father's plan for us, than we should not have a single reason to say no or to postpone anything. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been the biggest blessing in my life. it has helped me so much, with many things. i am grateful for the people that have helped me through this journey, and i really do appreciate the people who support me and are proud of me for my choice. 
but i do not like being told that "it must have been awful" and "how did you do it?" and "i don't think i would have been able to do that!"
because 1) it was awful, yes. but it made me stronger and it prepared me so much for the trials that i have had to face since then. 2) i did it because i had faith. plain and simple. i had a testimony and i was converted to the gospel. 3) if you don't think you could make it through, then how do you make it through the current trials you are going through? it was hard yes, but i know that my Savior lives and came to atone for my sins. i am so grateful for the huge sacrifice that was made for me, specifically.

it takes great strength to make such a large change in one's life. change is hard and can be very scary. religion is such a broad yet specific topic. making a change of religion, most of the time, requires us to change our lifestyle a bit. 
it is hard enough to make such a huge change on your own. but to do it despite what your family, friends, or even people you don't know might say, that makes it an even greater challenge. i really hate calling it that. it is pretty accurate though. it is a challenge, just like anything else. trials are just that, challenges. and even though not everyone will be happy with the choices we make, if they love you, they will accept you, it may not be right away, but they will eventually.

my family did not accept my decision, nor did they support it. it has taken almost a year to get to the point where we can openly talk about my religion without it turning into a huge argument. but i would not change a single moment of it. and now, they accept and fully support all i do, even if it has to do with my religion.
i am who i am today, because of what i had to go through. i have the strength that i do, because of what i had to deal with. i have such a strong testimony, and i know that i have truly been converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ because of all the things that i have had to overcome. 

struggles, trials, and challenges are real. they will happen to us no matter what. i know that if that wasn't my struggle, something else would have been. if i didn't go through that, i would not be where i am now. i am so grateful for all my trials, but that one specifically, because it set the tone for what was going to come next. 

if we can't do the simple things like have faith, trust, and hope in our Heavenly Father, how in the world would we be expected to act upon our promptings? how would we be expected to overcome our difficulties? 

it really is quite simple. pray. keep that line of communication open at all times. it is so important to have that line to Heavenly father. read your scriptures. He doesn't ask much of us, but He does ask that we read. it is how we receive most of our answers. have faith. having faith can be very tough, especially when it seems like you have no faith left, but i know that if we can push through those hard times with a strong and steady faith, we will come through on the other side. and we will be much stronger for it.

Heavenly Father will never lets us down. He is the one person that is there for us 1000% of the time. He cannot and will not lead us astray. sometimes it seems that His way is much longer and much more difficult, but that is because we need to gain strength and we need to learn some more things along the way.

i know that the things i went through/are going to go through are tough. but i also know that my faith is unwavering. as long as i am doing all that i can, as long as i can push myself to be better each and every day, i will be blessed and i will be able to overcome all that comes my way.

He will never ask "too much" of us, He will push us, yes. but it will never break us, and it will never be something we cannot do or cannot handle.



xoxo,

jacquelyn

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self worth

often times, we don't give ourselves enough credit. 
we are beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully made. { Psalm 139: 14 }
God doesn't make mistakes. no, we aren't perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. 
Heavenly Father does not expect us to be perfect, but he does expect us to try our hardest. i know that i haven't always given myself enough credit, i haven't always thought i was worthy or good enough. 
we are our worst critics, which is good and bad. it's good to be aware of the things we need to work on, but it is not okay to tear ourselves down for every little thing. 
i do it so much, and i really need to stop. 

and it's the same in our relationships. if we don't treat ourselves with respect and love, how can we expect other people to? we really can't get mad at people for not giving us the things we don't give ourselves. 
this is something that i have had the hardest time with. 
way too often, i feel like i'm the one who cares more. i'm the one who loves more. and it is great to care for and love everyone. but when we put ourselves through that, being the one that cares more, we are only going to get hurt. 
it isn't okay to be someone's convenience. it's also okay to not be someones first priority. 

i have been able to truly focus on bettering myself and i feel that i have grown so much in the past few months. i have my priorities in the right places. i am able to love myself and see my own worth. i am a catch, i am a good friend, i am a beautiful person. i know that my Heavenly Father loves me dearly. i know what i deserve, and i am not going to settle.

there comes a point in our lives when we need to get rid of the people who bring us down, no matter how hard it is. we need to get rid of the people who don't give us enough of the respect, time, love, and anything else that we need and deserve.
it's like that christina perri song, we are only human and there's only so much we can take. we are fragile, we can only bend so far backwards until we break. we can't be someone's punching bag, and we can't just be there when they need us. it needs to be a two way street. 
relationships { friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family } take work, from both sides. if one person is trying harder, it will never work, and that person will be absolutely miserable. they will constantly be thinking and asking themselves what they're doing wrong! why doesn't that person, whoever it may be, care about them as much? when in reality, it is not their fault at all. it just isn't the right relationship for either person. one isn't ready, and one is too willing. relationships are hard, but they don't have to be. we make them far more complicated then they need to be.

*i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression from all this though. i try my very best to love everyone, but there is a difference between loving and caring for them as people, and just letting them walk all over you. it is absolutely okay to not be friends with people you once were, it is not okay for you to hate and resent them. we must forgive as Christ forgave, and love as Christ loves.
Heavenly Father expects quite a bit from us, and i don't know about you, but i don't want to let Him down any more than i already have!

Colossians 3:12   Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering;

13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

15  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body: and be ye thankful.

i didn't know my worth until recently, and to be honest, i still have a hard time seeing it at times. but that's okay, it's a work in progress. if other people can't see it, then that is their loss, not mine. it is actually my gain. i don't need people who don't see my potential. i need people who are going to uplift and help me stay on the path i am on. i need people who will push me, but love me when i fail. i need tough love, but not too tough. and i know that people aren't perfect, but i also know what kind of people i do and don't need in my life.

it can be really hard to try and let those people go. you grow fond of them, you build bonds and learn to love them. the more you get to know someone, the more you start to care. it can be scary and hard to let people go, but i can promise you that if you can be strong and let go of those people who aren't giving you the respect and love you need, you will be so much happier. sometimes we need to be selfish. it isn't a sin and it isn't bad. it is important to let go and get rid of anything that weighs you down and isn't helping you.

find friends who have the same goals. people who are on the right path. people who will uplift and help you. find those people who will truly have good intentions.

keep your eyes open, you never know who will pop into your life. 

Proverbs 13: 20  He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. 

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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patience: a precious and rare virtue

so, i'm starting this new thing. every month, i'm going to try and work on something new.
i've been trying to work on kindness lately, so i decided to just start fresh, since it's a new month and all.

patience.

i really do struggle with this, quite a bit. how much i struggle depends on what it's about and what it is that i'm doing/waiting for. 
life can be hard, and at times, overwhelming. it doesn't always seem fair, but life isn't really supposed to be fair or easy. we are constantly growing and trying to be better, so of course it isn't going to be a breeze.

"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

there is so much going on around us, all the time. 

in today's world, it shouldn't be too hard to be patient because there is always something to distract us or something else we can be focusing on. but at the same time, we live in a world where everything is at our fingertips. it is so easy to have access to almost anything, instantly: internet, friends (Facebook, instagram, twitter, texting), books, tv, music, amazon..pretty much anything and everything we want is just a click away. everything is becoming electronic. there are ebooks, which i hate, and netflix, and there's pretty much an app for anything you can think of. and because of all this "convenience," we get impatient by the smallest of things.

>>waiting in line at the store

>>waiting at red lights

>>not being connected to wifi

>>waiting for food at a restaurant

>>having to wait a few minutes for something to load, either on your phone, computer, or tablet

>>basically anything that we can't get instantly

it is pretty sad that we have this "i need it, and i need it now" mentality.

it is not realistic, not in the slightest. almost anything worth having and worth working for, takes time and effort.

-a relationship. if you want it to work out, it will not always be easy. you have to work for it, you have to truly want it. you have to be willing to make some changes and willing to work with each other. there must be patience on both sides; otherwise, it will never work. if you want someone to be patient with you, you must return that same patience. and, of course, if you want something to last forever, you must treat it differently.

-being successful in work, or any business related pursuit. you almost always have to work your way up. you don't just wake up CEO of the company you're working for. or in my case, you don't wake up a best selling author, or a photographer that everyone knows. it takes time. you need to have patience with yourself. spend time making yourself better. make improvements. don't expect it to all work out overnight. hard work pays off.

-getting back in shape. you will not be skinny or have a beach body after one week. you need to keep it up! fight for it. work for what you want. don't get too frustrated. you won't see results, and neither will anyone else, for at the very least, 4 weeks.

it's okay if you don't see progress right away. keep pushing. keep working towards your goals. one day, it will all pay off. life has a funny way of working out. 

if we could all have the "His will, not mine" mentality, the world would be so much better off. i do try my very best to remember that. i may have to force that into my head, but i always remind myself when i'm praying. 

sometimes the Lord has us wait for things, not to punish us, but so we can realize that it wasn't right for us, or so we can be even more grateful and appreciative of it, when we do get it.

lately, there has just been so much going wrong. family troubles, no luck trying to find a job, no luck with the apartment search, having to go to the police with fraud. it just seems like as soon as everything is going well, everything starts to tumble down around me. and that is when our patience is tested the most. 

not our patience with worldly things but our patience with God, and mostly, His timing.

i often wonder why things happen the way they do, and in the order they do. but once i have time to reflect and really think deeply about what's happened, i realize that i wouldn't have it any other way. the Lord's timing really is perfect. His way is so much better than my way. even though it seems like He is dragging me, kicking and screaming at times, when i look back, i see how much i've grown and how much stronger i have gotten. and then, i am entirely grateful. 

i love my trials, as odd as that may seem. they have shaped me into the person i am today. they have made me independent and strong. they make me have a sense of reality and peace. 

and even though each trial gets just a little harder, i am able to have a sense of peace and calmness; because, i know that Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan for me. when i do my best to follow Him, He never leads me astray. He is always right beside me. He guides me down the straight and narrow, as long as i am doing my part.

and i know that He does this with each and every one of us. we are His children, and He wants us to come home to Him again, one day. He loves us all so dearly. it is impossible to comprehend. 

someone once told me that the reason God gives us trials is not to punish us, but because we have been doing so well, and following Him so greatly, that He has to give us trials so we can grow even more and just get stronger and gain a deeper testimony. 

which, once i really thought about it, is entirely true. if we didn't have trials, or rough patches, we would just be cruisin' through life. and that isn't what this life is about. it is about growing and learning and trying to be as Christlike as we possibly can. and if we weren't tested, that would be completely impossible.

- God won't take away our burdens, but He will give us the strength to carry them ourselves, without being weighed down. 

Romans 5:3  ...but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope.

i know i already said this, but i just want to emphasize.

our trials make us stronger! they make us who we are! without them, we would never be able to grow and progress. 

life can suck sometimes, but, duhh, we think that because we let ourselves. 

part of patience is being positive. we can be patient, but if we are complaining the whole way, and dragging our heels, that kind of defeats the whole purpose.

instead, try to be happy, enjoy the wait { as much as possible } and do other things that make you happy while you're waiting. 

and patience is far more than waiting..we must actively wait and actively endure. 

in reality, impatience is selfishness. 

patience is letting go of yourself, and letting God take the wheel. and that can be hard, and really scary sometimes because we don't always know where He is taking us.

but it really can't be anywhere bad. He is our loving Heavenly Father and His plan for each of us is wonderful. and it may not be our plan, but it is always 100000x better. 

patience and trust go hand in hand a lot of the time.

think of how patient the Lord is with us, we can try a little harder to be patience, both with Him, and His children.

the effort is what really counts, just make the effort. do it.

xoxo,

jacquelyn 

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it is quite wonderful

today i left my apartment at around 3pm and didn't get back until 8:30 or so. and what was i doing? just exploring orlando and being a photographer for the day.
i started over by lake eola, which is in the downtown area, and ended up all the way on the other side in eustis, i think. to be honest, i'm not even sure where i was half the time.
all i know is it was beautiful outside. it was so nice to just drive around, listen to music, and clear my mind for a bit.

i may have used up a little too much gas, but it was totally worth it.

 >>i really wish that i had someone sitting on the bench, or that it wasn't there.

it was such a beautiful day, even though it was a bit stormy, it made the sky so much prettier.

God is so good and i am so grateful for this place that i live in. i know that He loves me so much, and even though we all go through rough times, it is only because we are doing so well, and it is time for us to do some more growing. He is my strength and my rock. He is leading me on the straight and narrow, and even though i'm not entirely sure where i'm going, i know that i won't be lead astray. Christ will always be walking beside me, shoulder to shoulder.
i know that my Redeemer lives and loves me. i know that the atonement is real and that my sins can be forgiven, only because Jesus Christ died for me. it is such a wonderful time to be alive. make the best of it. go on adventures, make friends that you can make memories with, love one another. life is really too short to be anything but happy.

 Psalm 9:10  And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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a whole year

March 3rd, 2013. wow, that day was scary/intense/the greatest day ever, to say the least!
looking back it honestly seems so silly. i remember i had to sneak out of my house and have Sonny pick me up, to take me to church, because my mom took my keys. my parents [ mostly mom ] did everything they could to prevent it from happening. but i knew that this is true and i knew it was exactly what i needed to do.
i can't believe it's been a whole year since that day! it's crazy to see how far i've come! 
>> i entered the waters exactly one year ago. 
and i can honestly say, it is one of the greatest decisions i've ever made. it was also one of the hardest. it was so easy once i knew it was true, but it was so hard once i told my parents. they hated the idea of me being mormon. 
i got every reason in the book. it was a cult. they still believe in polygamy. they don't honor Mary or the saints. they believe we can all be gods. they're way too secretive. 
i heard it all. and it's funny because none of that is true! but it was hard to explain through the yelling and the tears. 
anyways, i know that i made the right choice, and i also know that i am doing what the Lord needs me to do.

it took me 4 months to learn that the church was true, 4 months to learn enough to know it was the right place for me. when you know, you know. 
i got kicked out of my house a few times, just for a few days at a time though. and i got the cold shoulder from my parents for what seemed like forever. it was so hard and there were some very hurtful things thrown my way. 
but looking back, i laugh. my parents and i have never been closer than we are right now, despite everything that has happened. the Lord works in great ways and most of the time we don't really see it! it is so amazing that he does so much for me! my parents aren't huge fans of the church, but they accept and love me. that is really all i could ask for. my mom is my best friend, and i couldn't imagine having to go through life without her being that. my dad is my number one fan and my biggest supporter, and i don't know what i would do if i ever lost that.

i know that this church is true and i know that i am exactly where i need to be. doing what i need to be doing. 
when i first got baptized, going on a mission was out of the question. but here i am, getting my endowments in 12 days, and going on a mission in 107. i cannot wait. i have never been this excited for something! i know that i'm going where i'm needed and that the things i will be teaching are true! 
it is such a blessing and such a saving grace to know that i am fulfilling God's plan for me.

i love this church and i love that everything fits together. it is all perfect in every way. the church and it's teachings are perfect, the people are not. and that's okay! we're not supposed to be perfect, we're just supposed to try our very hardest to live like Jesus did.

i am eternally grateful to those who helped me get this far, and those who were there for me every step of the way. and especially those who taught me and brought me to the gospel! 
you da best!

>> so grateful for this kid! 

>> one of the greatest days ever!

  >> the day i got my call to go to Australia Sydney South!!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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unconditional love

so I have to give a talk this Sunday, and I really have no idea what to talk about. My topic is faith, repentance, and baptism. could it be any more broad? it gives me a lot of wiggle room, so that's good. I just don't really know what direction I want to go with it! oh well, I'll figure it out.
I also received all my visa paperwork..it's so much and it's kinda confusing. I really need to get it done asap. So I guess I should really get on that. I'll get my photos taken and fingerprints taken tomorrow, after work.

I went with the missionaries today and they told me that I need to be teaching the lessons now. uhhh, okay? I guess I do need to start preparing more. it was good though. I felt confident with what we were teaching and talking about. it showed me that I know more than I think I do, and that definitely helps. especially when I'm well on my way to being a missionary haha.

my family, especially my parents, are so supportive of me going on my mission. it really surprised me! Heavenly Father really does answer our prayers. He doesn't always do it right away, or in the way we expect it, but He does. He will never fail us. He knows up and loves us more than anyone else ever could. it's difficult to remember sometimes, but it is true. we think we can  do it all on our own, but we cant. our pride gets in the way of Him helping and blessing us. it hurts Him to know that we feel like we don't need Him. but he always forgives us as soon as we turn back to him. that is the most amazing part. He doesn't hold grudges, He doesn't love us less, He continues to love us and want us despite the sins we commit and mistakes we may make.
God is perfect. His church is perfect. Temples are perfect. the gospel and teachings are perfect. the people are not. we are far from perfect. that is why we need the atonement so much. I need the atonement each and every day of my life. it is hard to imagine life without it. I think about how far away I have strayed sometimes, and think about if I didn't have the atonement after those times. boy, would I be a mess. everyone would be. we wouldn't have this church, there's a lot of things we wouldn't have. but God loves us, each and every one of us. we are all His children. and a perfect Father would never abandon his children.
God would never abandon us. that is why He gives us all of these beautiful things. that is why He blesses us, even when we don't think we deserve it, even when we don't deserve it.
His love is perfect and something we will never be able to comprehend. this life is here to challenge us. we chose to come to earth. we made the decision to follow God and Jesus Christ's examples. it is our job to turn to Heavenly Father and ask for His help, and sacrifice, and do all that we can do to show Him we love Him and want to follow Him. if we can just do our part, He will meet us more than halfway there.
it is up to us. simple as that. He will always love us. but we must also always love Him.
He will always leave the 99 sheep to go find just one. He wants all of us, not just a few, not most, but all.

today really strengthened my testimony on faith and trusting the Lord.
I think I may have just found what I'm going to talk about on Sunday haha.

well, it's way past my bedtime..
peace.

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