Being more Christlike in our communication

This past Sunday Hamilton and I were asked to give talks in church. Definitely not our favorite thing at all haha. We may seem put together and outgoing, but we both get extremely nervous to talk in front of people. Small groups are more our thing.
Anyways, we were given the topic of Christlike communication and after so much prayer and research I have found out a lot about myself and my relationships with others. Hamilton's talk was so amazing and he said some things that really resonated with a lot of people. Some of this post will come from his talk too because I think it was really great and he explained the things we do when it comes to our marriage more than I did.

As I'm sure most of you know, I am Mormon. So, this post may have a few quotes from our church leaders or from the Book of Mormon.

The LDS church defines Christlike communication like this: "True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate. Their communications, both verbal and nonverbal, are to be kind, compassionate, and helpful, reflecting a love for Heavenly Father's children and an understanding that all people are brother's and sister's."
I absolutely love this definition. I think it is so important that we remember our communication is so much more that what we say. It includes our body language, facial expressions, and what we say and do on social media. I also think it is so important to remember that EVERYONE is our brother and sister, not just our blood or law relatives. We all have our own beliefs, whether they are religions, faith, spiritual, or nonexistent, we all believe something! But for those of us who call ourselves Christians, we need to act like it by treating everyone the way we would like to be treated and treating them like our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now let's talk about the marriage side of communication for a quick minute.
Mark Ogletree wrote, "Marriage experts Sandra Blakeslee and Judith S. Wallerstein have written, "A marriage that does not provide nurturance and restorative comfort can die of emotional malnutrition." Communication that validates is edifying, healing, nurturing, and complimentary. In this level of communication, we express praise and compliments to those we care about. Almost every relationship will thrive if there is a healthy dose of validation."
I LOVE this so much. I think that it is something that is so overlooked in marriages. Validation may seem silly like I don't really need Hamilton to tell me what I'm doing is good or not or to complement everything I'm doing, but it helps me feel so much more confident when he does. It is something that I personally really need from him. He doesn't really need that from me as much, which leads me to my next point.
Talk with your significant other! Find out what they need. Different people need different things. There are so many different types of communication and some people connect better and get the feels with different types. For me, it's validation and kindness. For Hamilton, it's more so just being an active listener and someone who will listen and interact with all his stories. And he needs a little bit of validation sprinkled in there too, every once in awhile, lol. Everyone needs something different, so be patient and learn with each other.

Okay, one more quote from Mark Ogletree, "I have learned over the years that healthy communication affects both the heart and the mind. If we can communicate better - meaning more clearly and concisely - then we can forge deeper emotional connections, resolve conflicts, and strengthens the bonds in our marital relationships."
He specifically says that this will help marital bonds, but I know these things can strengthen any relationship. I know that when I do my best to speak out of love and present myself in a way that is christlike, I am much happier and feel much more fulfilled at the end of the day. I also know that my mind is much more positive and I am just overall in a more positive and loving mood. This is definitely something that rings very true in my life!

Soo, this post is kind of getting long. I'll either do a part 2 (if you want) with Ham's thoughts and stuff, or I won't haha. I have really put a lot of work into this post. I wasn't sure what to say or where to start, but I know that these things have really helped me in every. single. relationship. I have in my life. Of course, these help the most with my relationship with my hubby, but I am with him the most and talk to him the most, so that makes sense!


I hope you enjoyed this and foreals...let me know if you wanna hear Ham's side!

xoxo, Jacquelyn

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Valentine's picks for the man in your life

Valentine's Day is right around the corner! I know so many people "don't believe" in it or don't like to celebrate Valentine's Day, but I love it. It is a day all about celebrating the love you have for each other. I know it seems silly and people say "well you should be loving and celebrating your love each day." That is definitely true, and something Hamilton and I really aim to do, but I love having a specific holiday surrounding love.
Hamilton isn't a huge gift giver, and that's totally okay, but I love giving gifts. It doesn't matter who it is, that is one of the ways I show my love for the people I know and care about.
I have some awesome gift ideas for your hubby or boyfriend or whoever you want to get these for!


// For the guy who doesn't have a classy watch yet: Fossil Men's Leather Watch

// For the watch lover:  6-slot Leather Watch Box

// For the book lover: The Last Juror

// For the hipster tie-wearer: Men's Cotton Neck Tie

// For the camper: Winner Outfitters Double Camping Hammock (this is our absolute FAVORITE camping item)

// For the traveler: Leather Canvas Toiletry Bag

// For the one who likes challenging games that make you think: Rummikub


We already own pretty much all of these and I know Hamilton really loves them! Like John Grisham is his favorite author. I have never seen him go through a book like he went through The Last Juror, and he is NOT a reader. So, if you have a guy who kinda likes to read but doesn't want to start, look into these books!


xoxo, Jacquelyn

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Things to tell your husband

These are just a few things that I really feel help build up my husband. As a woman, I feel like my husband goes so out of his way to make sure I feel beautiful and loved, but I don't do that as much for him. I really think it is something that many of us women don't do for the men in our lives, and that makes sense. It isn't something that we are told we should do. It isn't something people tell you when you ask for marriage advice. It is just something that is so overlooked.

Lately, I have been trying to make an effort to let my husband know what he means to me. I have just a few things that I would recommend saying to your hubs on a more regular basis.
For me, I don't tell him these things daily, but I really try to say at least one uplifting and very loving thing a week. Obviously, I am always loving towards him, but these are things that are just a little extra. I also don't want them to lose their meaning so I don't want to overuse them.


// You're my best friend.
This is something I say to Hamilton once in awhile and I absolutely love the way he reacts to it. If he's on his phone, he will immediately put his phone down and give me a huge hug. I have found that this is something he loves to hear so much. For us, we spend so much time together, but it is easy to forget that we really are besties.

// I am so happy we met on that day (whenever you met).
Spend a little time reminiscing, but do it from your point of view. Tell him what thoughts you had about him at first. Usually, this makes us laugh so hard because the VERY first time we met, neither of us really liked each other haha. It's fun to hear the others point of view. But use your own discretion because some people are more sensitive and may not want to hear certain things you thought.

// You are such an amazing husband, father, worker, provider (whatever you think he needs to hear at that time).
Some weeks are really rough. Hamilton will come home from work some days and just tell me about how hard it was. These are the days that I make sure to tell him uplifting things. Because he is such a hard worker and he doesn't always think he is.

// Thank you for always supporting me.
My husband doesn't necessarily agree with everything I think, say or do, but he always stands behind me and supports what I am doing. Obviously, if I'm doing anything super crazy he'll let me know, but he really does support me in every way. Also be sure to recognize that your significant other may not support you in the same way as someone else's.

// Tell him 5 things you love about him.
Whenever we get into an argument or after an argument, one of us will usually ask the other, "what do you love about me?" This really helps change the mood and help us get back to that place of love.
I would recommend doing this at other times, though, too. This shouldn't just be a way to change the mood after a fight. This should be something you do on a regular basis. It is so important to regularly remind each other of why you love them. There are so many things that make us up as people, and it is such a nice reminder to be told those specific things.


I hope you take some of these and apply them in your life. They have really helped us uplift and make our marriage more beautiful. These things really help my husband feel loved and appreciated. If you have any others that are different, comment them down below! I would love to hear the things you all do as well.

xoxo, Jacquelyn

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Women's March Thoughts

Pic: Women's March

I know that there have been plenty of articles about this subject already but I have been doing some deep thinking lately and really felt inclined to share. I'm sure we are all perfectly aware of the things going on in the world (especially our own country) right now and these are just a few of my opinions and thoughts on the matter. I have been writing this since I heard about the march. I have just been trying to figure out what to say, and I hope these words are taken with love. Also, I do not want to get into a political debate, that is not what this is about. Please refrain from any of those comments.

I am not someone who supported or was against the women's march. I myself, wouldn't have marched, but that's a personal choice. The things the ladies were marching for specifically I don't totally support, but that's another topic for another day.
I am incredibly amazed by the peacefulness of the march. Many protests in today's society are violent and include massive terrorization of the cities they themselves call home. So, I am very impressed by the way the whole thing was handled.

Society is all about telling us what to be, what to wear, how our bodies should look, how we should eat, etc. Society does not rule out lives. We do. The only way we can even attempt to overtake these insane views the media and society, as a whole, put on us is to stand together and "march" against it. Women tend to be the first ones to criticize the media and society, yet they continue to tear one another down. I am guilty of it just as much as anyone else. We need to start making a conscious effort as women to lift each other up.
  - And I will say that I am proud of the brands that have stopped using photoshop and accepting all models. We are definitely making steps in the right direction.

I almost transferred high schools because I got bullied and talked about. I was miserable and a lot of people knew what was happening and they would join in on it. No one tried to help. I didn't have anyone on my side and it was a horrible time in my life. I was helpless. I look back on my middle school and early high school years and feel so bad for that young girl. She was weak and scared. She had some amazing friends, but most of them were not at the same school. If I had other girls standing behind me and helping me through that time I would have probably really enjoyed that time in my life. I know I am not the only one who has had these experiences, but we can put an end to that. IF we can stand together and stand by the side of our fellow women and especially young girls.
I have tried so hard to make an effort to all the women I know and the ones I don't. I have gone out of my way to talk to the girls who seem sad or seem like they don't have many friends. I know that by doing those small things, just being a friend or just saying "hello" to someone new can make someone's day so much better. This has also made my own life better. It has given me fulfillment and meaning. I have seen a change in myself and the relationships I have. I know so many people try to be kind. I read stories daily of women lifting up other women and it makes my heart so happy. Could you imagine if 1/2 or even 1/4 of us did that every day, though? This world would be a better and safer place.

I know many strong and beautiful women, and you want to know the things that make them so wonderful? They are full of love. They are forgiving. They don't let what others think about them bring them down. They stand up for other people and other women. They are 100% themselves 100% of the time. That is what's wonderful about them.
I could list a ton of ladies I admire and look up to (most are even in my own family), but those women are already trying, doing, and practicing these things.

Could you imagine a world where we don't body shame? Or a world where media and society have no power over us? Or a world where we don't speak ill of other women?
I can, and it is a beautiful place that we should all strive to be a part of.
I may not support the things the women were marching for, but I do support them standing up together and loving one another. I am happy to live in a world where we were and are able to peacefully stand together, but there is more we need to be doing in our daily lives. That was one day, we need to be doing these things and standing with other women every. single. day.

1 John 4: 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Romans 13: 10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

"See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Next time you overhear someone being mean to their waitress, tell her she's worthy of kindness. Next time you see that girl in the bathroom crying, tell her how beautiful she is. Next time you overhear someone being brought down by others, take a stand against it. You can make a huge impact in someone's life.


xoxo, Jacquelyn

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Inspire

I am one of those people who could sit on Pinterest for hours and hours looking up inspirational quotes. They speak to me on a deep level. They have helped me to grow and learn new things about myself. They invoke some major thinking and soul searching sometimes, and it's always good to do that sometimes. 

So, anyways, here are just a few of my favorites. These are the ones that have really been speaking to me on a whole new level and I have loved getting to know myself better through them.

 // I'm not here looking for sympathy or to whine about all the bad things. I will say that I've been dealt a decently bad hand, at times. I also know that after every bad thing, an even more amazing thing has happened. I strongly believe that things happen for a reason. The bad things lead to the good things. I love the life I'm living and I know that I have been brought to this point, doing the things I'm doing for a specific reason.

 // Grow where you are. It doesn't matter what is going on or where you are living, grow. As an individual, I know that I need to continue to grow. In my relationships, I know that we must continue to grow. Honestly, I need this reminder on a daily basis. I get into routines and I stop growing. Then I start thinking and I know that I need to change things up a little. Go on a hike, go camping, do anything that is NEW! When I think about how far I've come; I know that I need to keep going and never stop. Don't just grow, thrive!

 // This is the biggest thing to me. I want to inspire people and I want people to know that it's okay to NOT be okay. I have had so many days where I wasn't okay, but I'm still here. I still push through and try every single day. I want to be someone my nieces and nephews can look up to. I want to be someone that people can look up to.

 // This one is really hard for me. I was never the adventurous one. I have always played things safe, and that got real boring real fast. But then, I met Hamilton! The very first time we hung out we climbed a billboard. Yeah, I know! Crazy! He has helped shape me into the person I am. We went camping and hiking for the first time about a year ago, and I got the bug! He has helped me step out of my comfort zone so much! I couldn't be more grateful. I have grown to love nature on a whole new level.

 // This one kind of goes with my previous point, but my absolute FAVORITE thing is to be silent in nature. Whether I am sitting at the beach, hiking through the forest, swimming in the ocean, or sitting on my roof, I always feel so at peace. Being outside, in the quiet, is the only thing that can make a bad day a good one sometimes. I have found it extra calming lately. I've been struggling but going for walks at the local parks or at the boardwalk, have been helping me so much.

 // This one talks deeply to my soul. Let It Be by the Beatles was a song I grew up on. 
     "And though the night is cloudy, There is still a light that shines on me, Shine until tomorrow, let it       be." 
I have loved this song and known all the words since I was probably 8. It gives me a sense of peace and it can calm me down as soon as I hear the beginning. 

 // I aim to admire the stars, trees, clouds, and all things in the sky. I love to be distracted by the amazing world around me. Nature is such a beautiful thing and something that is so under appreciated by so many, including me. This means more to me than that, though. It also means looking up to Heavenly Father. I know He is always looking down on me and trying to lead me on the path I need to be on. I have fallen off many times, but He is always there to pick me up and push me along. I know that when I am doing my part, He will meet me more than halfway.

This is kind of a different post for me, but I hope you liked the switch up!

xoxo, Jacquelyn

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I'm ready for ya, 2017

 FINALLY stayed to see the fireworks at Disney. I always ask if we can stay to watch the fireworks, but we are usually way too tired to stay late. We go almost every month, so we don't tend to stay all day when we go, unless we go with other people.

 We went to an island called Beer Can Island. It is right off the bridge and found our way to it. I grew up at this island. I loved it so much because of all the fallen over trees and I would always find some pretty awesome looking shells there too. I haven't been there in probably 10 years! It definitely brought me way back and I loved it!

 First of all, they need to stop growing up. They are mirror images of their dad and uncles. It is insane.

Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2017, that blows my mind! This year is going to be a huge year for me personally and for Ham and me as a couple. There are a few things that will be happening that I cant really talk about yet..I will just say we are both applying to a new school, andddd there is something pretty big in the works that should pop up sometime during or after summer (hopefully)!

I have slacked a little the past month or so on blogging, I kinda forgot how much I love it. Plus I really wanted to revamp my blog. It was getting boring to look at and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with it. I will probably change a few more things, but it helped me to get so inspired to see just a small change.

I really just wanted to write a little post about my goals for 2017. There are a few I wont mention just yet because I'm not sure how they will play out yet, but you'll hear about them soon. I have so many things I want to do this year, and so many that have become much more realistic recently.

travel more // this doesn't mean flying abroad or anything crazy like that. I mean road trips and camping and things like that. I have a very long lists of places I want to go to. I have a few that I have to accomplish this year. Devil's Den, Ocala National Forest, Little Grand Canyon in Georgia, Highlands Hammock, Ravine Gardens. Those are the specific places I really want to visit before the end of the year.

blogging // I really want to make it a priority to blog more regularly. I have so many exciting things coming up, and this is an awesome way to document that. Plus writing is my passion, so why not?

patience // This is a real struggle I have. I don't have much patience anymore. I got to the point where I was so proud of how patient I was becoming, but life happened and it all went downhill.

be more loving // I already work on this on a daily basis. I do my very best to love everyone and to avoid judging them. I feel that I have become so much better at this, but I know I still need to work on it.

youtube // I don't have a youtube channel yet, but I have been trying to figure out where to start for a few months now. I'm not sure what direction I want to go in yet, that's why I haven't started it. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I think after a few weeks/months of blogging I will have a better idea on what I want to do.

I know I said this already, but I am really so excited for what this year will bring. Life is amazing and I have finally started to let go and live life the way I want.

I will be posting a recap of my favorite things from this year tomorrow! Stay tuned!
xoxo, Jacquelyn

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roses and butterflies

the idea of getting married is wonderful! the thought of sharing your life with someone else is great! it seems like it would or should be a breeze and so simple to merge two lives together!

getting engaged is a huge rush and leaves you completely awestruck! wedding planning..that's a different story! it really isn't too bad, there are just so many little details that are easy to forget about. it's awesome to have someone by my side who can deal with my mood swings and semi bridezilla moments! 

getting married is not a piece of cake, it's a lot of hard work. trying to figure out things like where to live and, for us, where to go to school, is difficult!

we've gone from staying in orlando, to moving to idaho, to moving to utah, to wanting to say "forget it all," and move to hawaii, to going back to staying in orlando, and now we've got it down to staying in florida, but we don't know where in florida..

and now that we've at least got that much figured out, we have to start figuring out our apartment situation...

we're definitely learning what it takes to be married and happy. there are a few things that have really worked for us so far..

1. communication

this one is really easy for hamilton, not so much for me. he is so honest with how he feels and what he believes will make him happy. i'm honest about those things, but it's like pulling teeth trying to get it out of me! he's a trooper though. he helps me all that he can.

2. weekly date night

thursday night is date night. it's the one night a week we have to put our problems and stress aside and focus on each other. sometimes our dates fall through and we settle for just watching some netflix, which is still just fine! and sometimes work or school gets in the way of our date night, but when that happens we try to reschedule it for another day and if we cant, we try to just watch a movie or do something small.

3. serve each other

hamilton will do anything i ask. he rarely ever complains. i ask for back rubs allllll the time. i ask him to get me water, and he always gets it for me, even if he just sat down and got all comfortable. never a complain. i try to do the same for him. the back scratches, the little errands and favors. bringing him his keys when he gets locked out of his car. whatever the other person needs, we are always there.

4. love unconditionally and always
this seems easy and like something that should be a given, especially if you're going to marry this person! but in the heat of a moment or during arguments it can be easy to forget those feelings. if it feels like one is doing more work than the other, then it could get in the way and feelings of resentment and anger and bitterness could start coming up. it's kind of inevitable that those feelings will come up at some point and that one will do more work than the other at some point in time; but, it's important to let go of that and go back up to #1 and communicate about how you're feeling. we don't expect too much of each other and we don't have unrealistic expectations (or we're trying not to).

5. having "safe" words
this may seem kind of silly, but it works. it's something new that we're doing. when we're arguing and things get too heated and we start to speak out of anger, we say our word and we have to stop. it seems like maybe things wont get resolved this way, but it gives us each time to cool down and think rationally again. then we revisit whatever it was we were upset about and try to work it out more calmly.


getting married is wonderful, the idea of it seems perfect, but it isn't. it can be hard work sometimes. merging together two lives takes a little work and some patience. these things have really been able to help us and i have so much confidence in our relationship. i know that we will argue at times and we will get frustrated but we love each other. we know how we work and we know what we need to do to calm things down and work through the tough times.
there are plenty of roses and butterflies in marriage, there are some storms and clouds, but there is always a rainbow after the rain.
we don't fight or argue a lot, but after we do and we make up, i always fall even more in love with him.

being engaged is hard because i'm ready to just be married - no other reason. marriage is exciting and i can't wait to begin this new chapter of my life as a birkeland!

only 63 more days until eternity!

xoxo

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the beginning

the very first time i met hamilton was at a ysa dance, probably a year and a half or so ago, i got dragged there by a friend. my friend chelsea was talking to some boy. she introduced me to him and his brother, one was hamilton and the other was harrison. i said hello and just kind of stood there while they talked because hamilton wouldn't even look twice at me. which at the time i was totally fine with (i was engaged to someone else).
i didn't think anything of it. and he doesn't even remember it.
the next time we met was at a ysa scavenger hunt at the mall. i rode there with a couple friends and we got there a little late, everyone already had their groups. we, of course, got split up. one of the girls ended up being in hamilton's group, i tried to leave my group and go to theirs, but the guy in charge had already written my name. after the scavenger hunt we all met in the food court to see who won. then we were going to get ice cream. i went over to talk to my friend and i remember not being in the best mood. hamilton was standing with us and i guess i gave him a little too much attitude because he decided to leave and not get ice cream with everyone. he said, "this girl is givin me bad vibes." directed at me. he says that he did not like me at all. he thought i was mean and rude. 
i don't entirely remember this encounter, but i vaguely remember being in a bad mood and him being in the circle as we were talking. again, i was still engaged to someone else, so i didn't think much of it at all.
now the third time we met was at a mutual friends house. our friend was leaving to go on his mission so he had some friends over a few weeks before he left. there was probably 5-7 of us. we all sat outside in a little circle. it was almost like musical chairs because every time someone would get up, someone would take their seat. this was in late february or early march. there were these teeny tiny rocks that everyone kept throwing at each other, and we would crush up leaves and throw those at each other also. we were, at least i was, definitely being a little flirty, i made sure to throw some his way (just like we all used to do in preschool and kindergarden). the person that was sitting by hamilton got up, so i moved over next to him. i don't remember what we talked about, but i do remember really enjoying that conversation. i remember laughing and thinking that he was a pretty cool kid. and i wasn't engaged anymore.
he wasn't at our friends farewell party, and i didn't see him for awhile so i kind of forgot about that little encounter we had. 
after this time, he changed his mind and decided that he liked me.
the final time we "met" (i'm not sure how many times you can meet someone and still consider it "meeting") was in church one sunday. it was in june, i believe it was june 8th. i'm not entirely sure but i remember meeting him a few weeks before my dad died. which was a very good thing. i don't think i would have been open to a relationship if i had met him after, i also think i would've relied on him far too much for my happiness. plus it gave me more time to date other people after breaking off my engagement. i needed a little time to adjust and live life without a boy in my life.
anyways, we met one sunday in early june. i was with my friend chelsea, who happened to also be his friend, so we walked over to him so she could say hello. we immediately hit it off. we talked so much and i knew right away that i wanted to be with him. it wasn't one of those "oh, you're cute and funny so i like you" kind of things, it was much different. i'm not sure why i felt that way or how i knew right off the bat, but i did. 
it took him a little longer to figure it out, but that's okay.
during 2nd hour that day he looked at me and asked, "did you get my text?"
"no, i don't have your number?" i replied, confused. this was the first time we had really connected.
"oh, well you should." clever. i laughed it was probably the only decent pick up line i've ever heard haha. so i gave him my number and we talked a few times during the week. 
and that is how we "met."

the following sunday was father's day, i went home to bradenton for the weekend. so we didn't see each other.
the sunday after that we were at church. he got there late so i didn't see him until after sacrament. we sat together during sunday school again. talking up a storm, probably being super disruptive. oh well. on that day all my friends asked if we were dating, or if we were going to start dating. two friends said that we would definitely get married. i didn't think a whole lot of it, girls say that about almost all the people you date. but i knew i wanted to be with him.
after church chelsea and i decided to go watch a movie at my place. we invited two of our other friends, and i suggested we invite hamilton. she said sure! so i did. we all went to my place and watched a movie. i tried to save a spot next to me so that he could sit by me, but someone else decided to sit there. i may have been a little bitter about that. but that's okay, i'm over it now haha.
it was a lot of fun, we just hung out. 
my mom called during the movie and told me that i needed to come to town as soon as i could, because my dad was very sick. i was taking a summer class, so i told her i would leave as soon as it ended on monday so i don't miss a whole week of work. she said that was fine.
i didn't think a whole lot about it, it scared me, but i was having fun with my friends.

my dad died the next day. i was gone for a week, but i was at church the next sunday. i had a lot of people calling and texting me. it was nice that there were so many people willing to help and make me feel better. hamilton didn't text me though. i didn't notice a whole lot though.

after that we hung out more and more. i convinced him to come to a thing at ucf with the missionaries. he didn't want to go, but he did. him, chelsea, and i all went together. afterwards we took chelsea's car to checkers (she was hungry and that's what she wanted),  we all sat in her car talking for about an hour or so. then hamilton and i left (we drove there together). we talked the whole way home, about random things. then we talked about how tired we both were. but we stayed in the car for probably another 2 hours. we were there until midnight or so. he apologized to me for not texting me or asking me how i was doing after my dad died. he was with me the sunday after it happened so he knew that everyone was asking how i was and if i needed anything. he said that he figured i was tired of talking about it and hearing the same things, so he didn't want to bring it up and say the things that everyone else was saying. it makes sense and i wasn't mad at him in the first place so it was okay, and i appreciated that he didn't ask me the same things everyone else did. 
we talked about my family and his. some of his adventures. he told me about how he climbed the ucf billboard with a friend a few times. i told him about how i've always wanted to climb a billboard. so he said, well let's go then! i drove us back to ucf and he told me where to park. 
we walked over and as we were walking he said, "okay, so what's our story if a cop asks what we're doing?" 
"uhh, i don't know? we're just going for a walk?" i replied.
"we're going on a romantic walk in the middle of the night. we're dating." (he said something like that haha).
i think my heart skipped a beat when he said that. no one stopped us though. when we got there, i looked up and the ladder starts a few feet taller than i can jump, so he lifted me up to the ladder. we climbed up to the very top. there are these little beams that go up a little higher to hold up the score board. so i climbed up to that beam and laid down there. he looked at me like i was crazy and even told me i was crazy haha. it wasn't scary though, it was a lot of fun. he eventually followed me and laid down next to me. we continued talking about all sorts of things. we have so much in common, yet we're so different. it's a good thing though. there was a moment when we were just looking at each other, into each other's eyes. i would've bet you anything that he was going to kiss me right then and there. he didn't though. which was okay. i may have been a little confused after because i was almost positive he liked me too. 
we were probably up there for 2 hours. by the time we got back to my place and he got in his car to leave, it was just after 3am. we had been talking for 5 +/- hours. it didn't feel like that long at all!
after that night i knew i would marry him.

fast forward a little bit. we had gone on a few other dates. movies, food, etc. during the month of july we hung out a lot. we hung out at his house a lot and would just watch netflix movies.
the first time he kissed me, we were at his house. it was late, probably 11 or so (it was usually a little later when we'd hang out because it was the only spare time we had). we were probably 30 minutes into a movie when i knew he was looking at me, so i turned my head to look at him. i hate eye contact so i turned my head shortly after. he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek! i had never had a first kiss that was on the cheek before, that meant a lot to me and showed me that he respected me. 

soon july was over and it was august. i was starting to wonder a little bit if this was just a fling to him or if it was going to be the real deal to him. i knew what i wanted.
we were driving around one night because he had to go drop something off to a friend and on our way back he took a detour and drove all around his neighborhood. he told me everything that he had done in the past and told me his mistakes and anything that he though might effect how i feel about him. it didn't change anything and i told him my mistakes. i know he's not perfect and neither am i. i especially can't judge him when i've made similar mistakes.
if anything having that conversation made our bond stronger. i knew that it wasn't just a fling to him after that.

on august 4th we were at his house again, watching a movie. i told him about how a guy wanted to date me, so he called someone i was friends with to ask what the deal was and my friend told him, "she's basically with hamilton now, so it isn't really worth trying."
after i told him, he laughed and said something clever like, "since we're basically together, do you want to make it official?"
i obviously said yes! i had only been waiting weeks for him to ask!

and that is how it all started. we had a little bit of a rocky start, but that's okay! it was fun and i'm glad that we connected when we did, instead of earlier or later.
thinking back on where i was in my life when we first met, we probably would've never started dating in the first place. 
the time we talked at our friends house wouldn't have done much either. he went to louisiana fairly soon after and would've been gone for 2 or so months. plus i knew that i needed to date different people and not be with anyone for a little while. 
there are so many things that helped us get together that there's no way it was coincidence. he never went to the ysa ward, but decided that he would go that particular sunday in june. he also didn't like me the first time he met me. 
i think we both had some shenanigans that we needed to get out of our systems and it was a very good thing that we did it before we started dating.
and if it would've been any later, it would've been after my dad died and i don't think i would've opened my heart to anyone new for a long time. he's such a catch and such a great guy that he would've gotten snatched up.

i love him so much and he really means the world to me. we've come so far from that sunday in june. i know that he is the one i am going to marry and i can't wait to start our life together!

he almost had to drag me to this dance. it was fun though!

isn't he just the best lookin guy out there? 

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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currently...

currently - supposed to be writing my humanities essay/project. that just doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. when's it due? tomorrow in class. will i have time to finish it by then? sure, if i don't sleep. i have work at 5, so i may just skip the sleeping thing tonight. i don't know why, i just can't seem to focus. oh well.

yesterday was my dad's birthday. he would have been 65. i woke up at 9 to get ready for my yoga class. it kind of slipped my mind, until i was in the car driving to campus. it takes me about 35 minutes to get there, so that gives me plenty of thinking time. by the time i got there, i was just not very happy. it was the first real event that happened since he has been gone.
and if you've ever taken a yoga class, you know that the last 5-10 minutes is just straight meditating and time for deep thought.
my teacher is very spiritual and talks to us during meditation and it just brings out so many emotions. i remember laying on my mat. on my back. arms at my sides. palms up. shoulders down. deep breathing. all these thoughts were popping into my mind and i may have had a few tears roll down my cheeks. i just remember thinking i couldn't do it. i couldn't go to my other classes. i couldn't get through this day. i just had to go home and stay in bed all day. that's all i could imagine doing. but the word can't isn't allowed in yoga either. so i pushed those thoughts out of my mind and started telling myself that i could. i am strong, i can get through this. it's okay to struggle. it's going to be hard. i miss him. and it's hard. there's nothing that can make it any easier. but that's okay. it's okay. i'm allowed to have a hard time.
so all this was going through my mind while i was laying there. then my mind just went blank. i stopped thinking all together. it was the strangest, most comforting thing ever. i didn't know what happened but i knew that by telling myself i could do it, i was given the strength to do so.
i went to all my classes, and it wasn't the easiest day. it was really hard actually. but i got through it.
i went to hamilton's after and he had freshly baked cookies, one in the shape of a J waiting for me on the counter. he knew it was a hard day and wanted to do what he could to help. < little did he know that i was going to ask if we could make cookies. it's like he read my mind  > anyways, i stayed and had dinner with him and his family, and then we had fhe all together. i was grumpy and got a little fussy with him during it. but he handled it like a champ, and for that. i am just so grateful.

i feel so blessed for the people i have in my life. my friends are so wonderful to me. they do what they can to make sure i'm okay. hamilton is so great and i feel so blessed to have him. he makes me want to be the best i can be and he really just helps me so much more than he will ever know. and my family. they are my support and i know they are always there for me to lean on. i am so grateful for each person in my life and don't know what i would do without them!

 i just love him so :)

 doesn't he look like the happiest man you've ever met? that's because he was. always.

and today is my hippie parents anniversary. 36 years. the love they shared was so amazing. it is something i pray to have with the person i marry. they have had some of the hardest trials, but have always put their marriage first and gotten through everything together. they were a single unit and i will always strive to be like them.


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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m i a

i've been a little mia the past few weeks..sorry.

so much has been going on though. 

i had classes, i work, and i've had a lot of family stuff goin on. i'm totally slackin' in the 'writing/blogging' department. but oh well, i'll catch up eventually.

my dad died june 30th, so it's been a really rough month. i haven't written anything since and i'm not really sure what to even write about. i know that i should be happy just because i know that i'll be with him again eventually, and he isn't in pain anymore, which i am happy about. but i'm just having a really hard time with it and i just don't ever feel like doing anything. nothing has ever effected me this much before, or in this way. we were so close and it's just hard to imagine not being able to talk to him anymore.

i went home for the first time since the funeral, and it definitely was not easy  i just kept imagining him walking out of the room and talking to my mom and me, but it never happened. it was the first time i really talked about him since it happened. i got home at around 12 am, and my mom was still awake. so we just hung out and talked until about 2 am, and i really needed that. it was a lot of talking and crying, but also a lot of reminiscing and laughter. death is always sad, but it always makes me forget the bad times and only remember the best times.

so i guess that's really all that has been going on, but that's plenty.

 >> excuse how fat i look here..

picture overload #sorrynotsorry..

my parents are the best and coolest, obvi. I couldn't have asked for better ones even if i wanted to.

xoxo,

jacquelyn

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tfios

i'm not going to lie.. i was a bit underwhelmed.

don't get me wrong, it was a great book! i just don't think it lived up to all the hype.
i may be the only one who thinks so, but that's alright.

i did enjoy the story, and i really enjoyed the humor.
i think it had an amazing point to get across. love shouldn't be held back, even if you think you or the other person will get hurt.
love is something that we need to be more willing to give away. and less worried about "losing."

i think one of my favorite parts of the book, was when Augustus tells Hazel that "You're a hard person to comfort."
and she replies with "Easy comfort isn't comforting."
and i agree. 100%. comforting someone is not supposed to be..'oh, let me just give you a hug, say it'll all be okay, then leave.' no. true comfort someone takes time, it takes love. if comforting was easy, then there would be much less of it needed.

i do think this book was a wonderful read, it just wasn't as good as i thought it would be. which is totally fine! every one is different, and this one just didn't quite tickle my fancy..

now i'm on to the next book!
being a bookworm is very fun, but tiring sometimes. it gets hard to keep track of all the lives i'm living!


xoxo,

jacquelyn

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